Well we have the 18 mos. A in common I am sorry for the pain this is causing you, I can relate!
My WH PA/EA was with his first girlfriend of 30 years ago! He wanted to see if he was still in love with her. The first time they committed adultery was 3 days after my BD. I told him that was as low as you can go, but then he had sex with her our anniversary month. So, to me our marriage ended when his heart and lust went to another woman. I'm not wearing my wedding ring anymore. We are trying to reconcile, it is a rough road.
I have had a lot of tragedies in my life. Mom died when I was 16, brother died when I was 19, I came from an alcoholic family, was molested by 4 different family members and was basically not wanted and taught to believe I'm stupid. But THIS is more painful than all of it combined.
Just keep working on you, do what you need to, but eat and drink plenty of water. Wine doesn't count! WH 56
BS 54 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 4th D-Day 10-14. 5th D-Day 10-31-13
Married 15 yrs, together 19.
MC & IC -- Attempting R
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth.