I never once thought to check phone records until near the end of the A. I felt uneasy about the closeness of his friendship with OW, but never checked because I couldn't imagine that they would take it as far as an A. WH had the bills set up not to show specific calls. But I rarely even looked at those, either. Do I ever feel stupid.
When my suspicions deepened, I started counting his Viagra. When two pills disappeared the day he left for a conference that OW would also be attending, I started checking phone and text records. Then, I learned to track his Skype sessions, too. It was clear that on Saturdays when he went in to "work", he was really Skyping her, in addition to spending at least 1.5 hours each week on the phone.
Then I broke into his e-mail and found the indisputable, gaslight-proof evidence that I needed for the big D-Day confrontation.
I think the time spent on the A partially explains some of the trouble he was having at work.
Me: BW, age 65
Him: WH, age 63
Married 18 years
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA