I think that is totally normal, and natural. Of course you are much further on this road than I am. But I wonder if I will ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I say think about it, compare it with your current reality ( be mindful, remind yourself of how you feel now, what your marriage is like now, how your H behaves now). And let that fear and doubt move through banished by your current reality. Thinking of you. Hope you can enjoy what you have worked hard for.
Married for over 14 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
I am not sure that waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling ever goes away...that is probably the biggest obstacle now...it keeps me from thinking much about a future that still seems uncertain to me. Maybe living in the moment is better for us though.
An amazing marriage helps...mine is not here yet...better, but not amazing.
What do you plan to different ...if anything...to get through dday antiversary? I have decided this year is NOT going to make me crazy, but i am not sure what to do differently.
Looking forward to those moments of relative peace turning into hours, days, and might I hope --weeks?
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months
In MC & Reconciling
Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time. ; )
I am not sure that waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling ever goes away.
Maybe I will do a t/j on it. So stay tuned.
But do I get what you are saying? Of course I do.
Congrats being at 4 years. You have worked hard.
Healing myself is now my top priority.
I'm also sure I don't have the whole story about H's infidelities over the past forty years....H owned up to a one night stand in addition to the LTA, but I know, in my heart, he is still not completely truthful. But I've come to a place where I feel that is his problem. He has to live with it, not me.
I felt I needed to be safe before I could really feel joy again....and for awhile after Dday I thought I needed H to make me feel that way. I found I didn't. I'm strong and confident now I can survive and would do very well in a life without H if he chose this path again.
His affair reminded me to look at myself and to look out for myself, something I had not done while working and raising a family focusing on everyone else's needs.
I don't know what the future holds, but we are enjoying life and looking forward to retirement doing things we like to do together. Every day I feel happy and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with how lucky I am...how good life is for me.
And if somewhere a shoe drops, then life will change again. It may take some time for me to right the horse, but lots of shoes have dropped throughout my sixty years. That just seems to be life.......and I am focusing on the good times while I'm living them.
I worked with his slut's BH for a year. Together, we got the truth, the dates, what they were thinking, what they did while they were together. I HAD to hear ALL of it. There are still questions popping into my mind at a rate now of 10 or so per day. I'm only 25 days out from 2nd D-day and I've asked him, anything else I need to know about THIS A or anything else you've done no matter how mundane or insignificant you think it was?
Omission is a lie and since I have decided to try to save our marriage, I want to get all of this out of the way, so 4 years down the road I wonder if it's all B.S. But you NEVER know for sure. When I look into his eyes, I see his pain and his love for me. He's truly remorseful and is scared out of his mind to lose me. I would be lost without him. I could have stopped the A, but was so done with his games, I just let it go. No it's not my fault, but denial is a sad place to land.
So yes Deanna, I think we ALL feel that way no matter what you do. You can ALWAYS have him do a lie detector test!
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth.