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User Topic: I wish I was quicker with the clever reply
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an Army wife who has lived in a lot of places, with an Hispanic last night, my family and myself have faced things like that in each place we have lived. So I do agree with your husband. I am sorry that you had to hear it.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1629 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
leapyearbaby
♀ Member
Member # 24902
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first comment I could put down to simple ignorance about the origin of the phrase.

One of my sisters used that term all the time. On particular afternoon, after she had used it multiple times, I finally asked her if she remembered that H is Jewish. She just looked at me, said yes and went right back to her conversation about being almost 'cheated.' I realized she had no clue that phrase would be considered racist. At that point I let it go.

But your customer's comment about 'them' hiding money made it clear she was not unthinking in her comment, that she knew exactly what she was saying.

I am also sorry you were witness to that....as an employee, it's probably better not to respond negatively. On the street and not working....well, that's a whole different matter.


me BS the Big 6-0!!
him WS 56
married 28 years
together 31
DD 6/10/08
ow #1,2 lta on and off since 1995
ow 3 ons summer 2005
2 D, mine from prior marriage, but he raised them
R'ing...probably not....but then again, maybe....


Posts: 1375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Colorado
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I grew up in California where we have a fairly diverse history and my parents were liberal in a liberal town. But still....

I have usually learned about the racist or bigoted background of words or phrases - after I've uttered them.

Chew it down - like a piece of cheese. That's how I always heard that phrase. You know, when you barter at the flea market you try to chew the price down.

Let me get my boy on that - you know, the kid who works for me - one of the boys - he's good at stuff and I'm sure he can help you.

My grampa talked about the portagee gate - the wire one in the back fence with the hoop you lift to open it

And gramma always liked us to try the lumpia at the church potluck the filipinos brought

We were pollacks and I was supposed to be offended by Polish jokes except I always thought they were generic jokes that you could substitute "pollack" for any other ethnicity and the joke was still funny.

I never learned a quick reply. I did learn to bite my tongue and file away my knowledge of that person as "pre-judges others based on things they can't control" - whether it was racist, political, religious, or other, you can't pigeon-hole somebody (gosh, is this offensive? I don't even know).

Sigh. I wish the world would become more of a melting pot.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1179 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AN, my own Mother used this expression in a conversation with me once (I'm a convert, so the only Jew in the family), and my jaw just about hit the floor. I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything, and besides I couldn't come back on my MOM, but my big brother lit into her. I've had a lot of people use it in my presence where I live (it's a common expression in the South) and I usually mention that I'm Jewish. Then they're surprised - "Oh, you don't "look" Jewish. Great - add another insult! Some people will just never get it.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
JanetS
♀ Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meta: I was going to write EXACTLY the same post as yours (well, not word for word, but you know what I mean).

I learned something today, and I'm glad I did.

As for the Jewing Down comment, that is not at all ambiguous. And the follow-up comment indicated that she knew exactly what she was saying. Sad!


Posts: 2576 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edited bc not sure if I broke rules.

Ive stood up at work in my own way. Some people are sreadfast in their belief. Some people refuse to believe their commenrs cross any lines. Maybe at work you could say their comment made you feel uncomfortable and because you are at work you cant go into explainations. Then continue the conversation.

Or leave it for after work.

Isnt there a saying here on SI that you cant change stupid?

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 2:38 PM, September 27th (Friday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8252 | Registered: Sep 2007
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I HATE that phrase and call it out nicely as if they haven't really realized what an idiot they're being.

"I'm sure you don't understand that's a very bigoted comment and I'd hate for someone to think you are ignorant" is my standard reply to that.

People amaze me with their lack of historical knowledge and stupidity. Every day.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oddly... after this thread was posted the following happened to me at work.

I wear a Star of David so It's pretty obvious that I'm Jewish. I have been wearing the star for about 6 months now.

Co-worker said to me: "You're Jewish" in a shocked voice. and followed it up with "I should've known, you look Jewish".

Me: "What exactly does 'look Jewish' mean? Oh, because I have a big nose?"

Co-Worker: "Oh ..... I mean you have curly hair."

Yeah, 'cause only Jews have curly hair!

I just shook my head and walked away.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24510 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UO, I wish I had my wits about me to say that. I just lose my power of speech when it happens.

Jrc, You know, I have curly hair, too. I guess it IS a Jewish thing. SMH with you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37577 | Registered: Sep 2007
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AN - that must be it!

My mother only has curly hair if she gets a perm... otherwise it's completely straight.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24510 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Clarrissa
♀ Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only Jews have curly hair?? Dang, I should tell my sister that her oldest is actually Jewish. His hair is (was) as curly as a Brillo pad.

The above was said with heavy sarcasm of course. One of my first thoughts on the "you look/don't look Jewish" was just what, exactly, does a Jew look like? Sammy Davis Jr. was a Jew but he sure didn't look like the stereotypical Jew... being black and all.

Anyway AN, you're not the only one who comes up with the perfect comeback after the fact. There have been plenty of times this has happened to me. Of course sometimes the best comeback is this:


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5886 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My comeback would have been.: oh I didn't know you were a racist.

You know like a friend that you known for yrs and you just found out that her mother was French.

I worked with girl and only knew she was half French when her mother came into the store and they started talking in French I was all excited.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@JRC1963

You should have replied : well now I know what ignorance looks like.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I hear a comment like that I lean, put my hand on their arm, and whisper,
"Just so you know. I'm offended by racist comments like that"
Then I put on a big smile and make a positive comment or compliment some other aspect "So glad you sold your house"

That way its about ME... not about them being rude. It makes it easier and hopefully is a learning experience for them!

[This message edited by PhoenixRisen at 3:26 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]


Posts: 485 | Registered: Jun 2012
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should have replied : well now I know what ignorance looks like.

Where were you when I needed you!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24510 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only times I've heard 'jew down' have been when non-Jews have tried to get me to lower a price. I haven't had a comeback either, but the memories have stuck - and the last time I heard it said to me was a long time ago.

One of the reasons I stick to big cities, I guess....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10075 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
JKL Vikings
♂ Member
Member # 32094
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AN, I'm sorry you had to deal with such a rude person


Her- Alpha Female 40
Me-FWH 41
Married since '02, together since 2000
D-day 2/10/2009
3 sons- J- born Oct 2001
K- born Sept. 2005
L- born Apr. 2008
We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference

Posts: 515 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas, TX
Topic Posts: 37
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