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Newest Member: Doubleblame (44588)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Over a year later - He wants to see the kids
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dumbass emailed me the other day wanting to see the kids. I just seen the email today. It has been over a year since he has seen the kids or even talked to them.

Said he's moving in with his sister. Probably trying to avoid bill collectors and lawsuits. His wifey/ow has a bench warrant out for her arrest for some hot checks.

He doesn't have visitation because he refused to do what CPS requested of him.

This weekend the kids and I met my dad and brother at McDonald's. Dipshit's neice was up there with her son. The kids and I didn't speak to her. She had never seen him before. Neither has my XH. My dad and I just recently started talking again.

I find it odd that within days of her seeing us with my dad, my ex is contacting me to see the kids. How much you want to bet he thinks there's some guy in the picture? I can't think of any other reason he would be contacting me to see the kids after all this time.

I'm thinking I should just ignore him.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should ignore or otherwise decline. I would hate for you to set a precedent that would open the door to him getting visitation again.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would hate for you to set a precedent that would open the door to him getting visitation again.

That's what I was thinking about also.

All this back and forth, in and out of the kids lives, is not good for the kids either. He's been out of their lives for over a year now. They have finally adjusted to him not being in their lives.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2008
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't have visitation because he refused to do what CPS requested of him.

This


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep - I vote 'crickets' also.

Let him take you back to court if he is serious and he can show the judge has he has it all together by not having his own residency with his law-wanted wife by his side.

It would be different if you seen some mega changes that he turned his life around but it sure doe not sound like it.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2047 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do your kids see a therapist? In my situation, the kids are old enough to decline visitations and contact which they have. The long-term "goal" is reunification between stbx and children through visitations (3x a week/2 hours) but only after family therapy. Both my children's therapist have stated that starting family therapy with stbx at this time would not be in the best interest of the child. So before stbx even gets visitation, there would be months of family therapy.

If he is serious, then he should do what CPS requested of him. If the kids have therapists, I would inform them of the email IF he continues to push the matter. IF a visitation does happen, you want it to be beneficial for the children. He should be seeing a therapist if he is serious about reintegrating into the childrens lives. You don't just POP back in.

These selfish pricks who just think of themselves then expect the children to jump for joy at the chance to see their "father" after being out of their lives for so long. I think they just want ego-nuggets from the kids.

For now, ignore him. No sense upsetting/confusing the kids if he is going to end up being a no show.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2138 | Registered: Oct 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't have visitation because he refused to do what CPS requested of him.

Case closed.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3276 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My oldest is old enough to decide if he wants to go. He has already said he won't go if my ex is still with the OW. My DD won't go without her brother.

Part of his requirements were parenting classes and counseling.

He's not coming back in the kids lives until the OW is out of his life and he gets his shit together. For now I am going to ignore him. Maybe he will go away.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2008
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't even respond.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7999 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He knows what he has to do to be allowed to see the kids.

I would think that if you let him see the kids without fulfilling his legal obligations, it would ruin your credibility in future proceedings. Which could be bad if he and OW were to get back together or if he took up with some other abusive woman.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49465 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as I know they are still together. He was served by a process server through OW's family member. The family member was listed as a roomate.

Before CPS got involved, the kids had refused to see him because he refused to keep her away from them. I'm backing my kids up on that one. As long as he's in a relationship with her, the kids won't see him.

He also won't be seeing the kids until he has fulfilled every requirement of CPS. He was told what that was and the CPS worker told him he wouldn't be seeing the kids until it was done.

Right now I am ignoring him as I haven't seen any changes to his situation. Things appear to be getting worse.

Also, if he ever does get visitation, it won't go back to standard visitation right away. He has parenting classes, family counseling, etc. With the help of the caseworker, I have a plan figured out if he ever decides to get his head out of his ass.

If he were ever to be stupid enough to take me to court over this, I will have the caseworker to back me up. I also have a letter and emails from her just in case any of this were to take place years down the road because he had told her and me that he would see if the kids wanted to see him in 4-5 years.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 11

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