Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Futurefear (43176)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: There is hope, y'all
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Wink  Posted: 9:41 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was out with a buddy for drinks last night. I've shared EVERYTHING about the end of my marriage with him. About a year before I left The Princess, his marriage ended as well. While we shoot the shit about a lot of stuff of course, we obviously have some favourite topics!

We weren't even talking about it last night, when he brought it up: "I've been thinking about your marriage to The Princess. When she finally kicked things up to the point that you left, she did you a favour."

I had to agree with this. I mean, I'm not about to THANK her for being a cold, calculating, lying, cheating, unemotional, immature whore (still bitter!), but he's right. My life has improved, and it continues to improve. Even before I knew she was cheating (no idea when it may have started), our marriage was miserable - I just didn't know it because I was too much in love.

So if you're earlier along in this process than I am (10 months since DDay; 7 months since leaving), and feeling like your world is coming to an end (and, yes, it temporarily is), please read this and know that it really will get better.

You will slowly get over the things you are meant to get over, and become an independent, happy, motherfucker, who doesn't have concerns about what some asshole did to your marriage. What she did will never be okay, but I will accept it as something that changed my life. I'm still on the road toward that, but I can finally see that it is the eventual destination.

[This message edited by pass at 9:44 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1348 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the post pass. I think I may have had a turning point this week with my WW making an emphatic "Our marriage is over!" statement. I knew this before, but the malice in her tone made me realize I just want her to leave me alone.

Looking forward to being "better" when I reach where you are


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post, pass. And great progress!


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22588 | Registered: Aug 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Pass. I know you are right, but I can never hear this enough times.

I am getting there. For me it has taken time and NC to work their magic, but more than these, my healing has been going at light-speed due to my STBXWW's despicable behavior since I filed. It has taken her to continue to be deplorable to shake me out of my fog and lose what tattered feelings remained in me for her.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

feeling like your world is coming to an end (and, yes, it temporarily is), please read this and know that it really will get better.

You will slowly get over the things you are meant to get over, and become an independent, happy, motherfucker, who doesn't have concerns about what some asshole did to your marriage. What she did will never be okay, but I will accept it as something that changed my life. I'm still on the road toward that, but I can finally see that it is the eventual destination.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8756 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its so annoying though how we KNOW these people are no good for us, we KNOW that we deserve better, we KNOW that they are doing me a favor...but yet, we still have those days of feeling bad. It's like "why should I care?" But our mind still likes to mess with us on occasion.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2793 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I really needed that today. I had a rough night last night.

Even if you can intellectually accept D is the only road and the person isn't who you loved or who you want to be with given their actions and choices....it is still hard to see your world shattered, your life a mess.

I have moments, like a few yesterday where I actually felt happy and like everything would be okay. Then later, at night, and again when I wake up at 4am in a cold sweat, it feels soooo bad again that my heart literally hurts....

Thanks for the encouragement that it gets better.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post! The longer I go without contact, the better I feel. The longer I go without his presence in my life, the more I start to enjoy the day to day things.

Good to know it's only going to get better.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 36
10 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!!
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 313 | Registered: Apr 2013
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely agree pass.

After what ex has done to me and our children our lives no longer revolve around just 'his career'.

I'm focusing on myself and my children and we are having a great time without him.

I am even applying to return to university to study photography, a passion of mine that I intend make a career of.

I know for a fact that if we were still together mine and my kids' lives would have to wait as we would have to spend every day not seeing or hearing from him because he is always too busy with his job.

In a way it doesn't feel that much different not having him around. I can just focus my energy on me and my children now.

I read an article last year in a newspaper listing the top ten things of the dying. Number one was regretting working too much and not spending enough time with his/her family and seeing his/her children grow up.

Suck in that pathetic loser of an ex and father!


Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excuse the type-o's, writing whilst playing with two small children.

I hope you got what I meant! :)


Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, y'all. SI has been a HUGE part of my recovery so far, and I have no doubt will continue to be. We all found the community we needed!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1348 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent post!!

Posts: 945 | Registered: Feb 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been having a great week with the kids (since Monday all the way to tomorrow evening).

We've worked hard on homework every day, got their grades up, had Movie Night with their neighborhood friends over, swam, and for two days we've been constructing a gigantic reptile cage from scratch.

This is what it's all about. Other than the stress of the divorce and the misery she foists on me when she takes the kids for the weekend, I don't miss her. Sometimes I shake my head at the waste of it all, but even these moments are dwindling.

Six months ago I was never more certain that I would never--ever--feel anything but anguish and yearning for her.

I am moving on.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
Eyeofthetiger
♀ Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you!!!


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post. I offered my STBX the house if she can get it refinanced in her name. She'll need a consigned and likely a roommate. I said she can have it for what we owe. She asked why I was being so generous. I told her gratitude. She blew it up and hasn't looked back. She isn't wasting my time with counseling or what would most assuredly be a false R. She let me go and it is making it easier to let her go


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jul 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you pass!!

I am 2 years out from dday, and I absolutely did not think my life would get BETTER after all I was put through. But it is true- my life is rich in so many ways!!

And I definitely would not be where I am emotionally if I was still with the Dooosh. I never realized how much of a complete ass he was, how much he impacted my life in a negative way, until I separated from him finally.

I know it seems like your life is over when you are a newbie. But honestly it's just the beginning!!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3233 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it seems like your life is over when you are a newbie. But honestly it's just the beginning!!

Too true, Rose. But I totally didn't believe any of you when you told me so!

And I reserve the right to stop believing you again.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1348 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this!

I saw a great quote recently:

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.- Maya Angelou


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4518 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup I remember the early days, when my life was in disarray, my self esteme non existant and terrified of change.

Now here I am, feeling good, I own my own home, take care of my business, raising a great son and now I have a great BF. Life is good... he did me a favour :)


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy, did I need to read this!h

H made it very clear who he is last night. I finally get it, this is as good as it gets. Not enough for me anymore.

I know it is the best thing for my life.

I am scared, I hurt, I don't want to d. I want a remorseful, loving husband.

I will never heal with him. He just does not care enough. I am not, never have been and never will be his priority.

I have to love myself, do what is healthy for me. That means ending m and starting a new life.

I don't make enough to support the house but it is in my name. Not enough equity to sell. Maybe a roommate?

A second job?

Not sure, but I will figure it out. Keeping the house vs feeling alive. Feeling alive wins. The house is just a thing. I don't even want to stay here, too many bad memories.

Anyway, first step,180.
Get control of my emotions.
Figure out finances.
Reconnect with friends.
Discover something that makes me smile.

The beginning...


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.