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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Changing gears
lackofcolor
♀ New Member
Member # 38784
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH informed me over the weekend that he hasn't been happy for "a long time" and that he's done. This, after I caught him in flirtatious Facebook exchanges with an employee, and after having worked hard on reconciliation for six months and thinking things were finally turning around, but whatever. As it turns out, he doesn't think we should have ever married because he was "always going to break my heart". Would have been nice to know that 13 years ago.

Anyway...what do I need to know? (We're in MA, if that helps anyone). We have a 5 year old daughter, what do we tell her (other than that mommy and daddy are going to live apart, but we both still love her).

WH is planning to move out. I'm staying put in our apartment with with our daughter, trying to minimize the impact on her since we JUST moved and she just started Kindergarten and is having enough trouble with that transition.

We already worked out a budget where he will pay me a certain amount of money each paycheck to cover living expenses until our lease is up and I can move somewhere cheaper (9 months from now, we just moved in). I'm planning to get him to put that in writing.

He's also asking to come by every other night to put our daughter to bed so he can still see her. (He's a good dad. Just a shitty husband.) I'm okay with this, because it frees me up to do things like exercise/work on freelance work/etc but do you think this will be a problem?

Do I hire a lawyer? How much does that even cost?

TIA for any advice.


ME - BS 33, HIM - WH 30
Daughter age 5
Together since 2001
Married 2005

DD#1 2/23/13, online EA. Claimed NC but A continued until 3/20/13 when OW called it off. DD#2 4/4/13.

DD #3 9/21/13 2nd EA (with employee). He leaves.

Pursuing divorce.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2013
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I got the same crap that WW was always unhappy and we should never have married

Yes, hire a lawyer to make the financial support legally binding. A simple non contested divorce ahold be 3-4 thousand $.

It is good when you recognize benefits such as WH relieving you for freelance work instead of fighting about it

Good luck and tAke care of yourself

H$C


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 405 | Registered: Sep 2011
glaciergal
New Member
Member # 40777
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No advice, just sympathy. My situation is almost exactly like yours and I just wanted you to know that there are others in your shoes. Who would expect the WH to say "I'm done"? I thought I was supposed to say that......

I think the tough part is when they figure out that the "long time unhappiness" is still there after they have left us. But hopefully by then we have moved on with our lives and have found more respectful and open partners.


DD - 10/12
11/3/12 - he asked for divorce
11/15/12 - beginning of R
April '13 - he says he is DONE no chance of further R

Posts: 18 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Alaska
scooter72
♀ New Member
Member # 40381
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try AVVO.com. I was able to find a lawyer in my area to do the separation agreement with as many changes needed for $250. If the time comes, uncontested D for only $350.
Huge difference as the first lawyer I consulted with wanted 2k just for separation agreement!


Me-BS 39 and holding
WW- 42
3ds 13,6.5,4.5
2sd 15,14
SS -11
Dday 8-3-13
Separating

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NC
lackofcolor
♀ New Member
Member # 38784
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I got the same crap that WW was always unhappy and we should never have married

I'm so sorry you're going through the same too :(

Who would expect the WH to say "I'm done"? I thought I was supposed to say that......

Tell me about it. How is it that HE gets the final say??

Try AVVO.com. I was able to find a lawyer in my area to do the separation agreement with as many changes needed for $250. If the time comes, uncontested D for only $350.
Huge difference as the first lawyer I consulted with wanted 2k just for separation agreement!

Thanks! That's helpful. I'll look into that site.


ME - BS 33, HIM - WH 30
Daughter age 5
Together since 2001
Married 2005

DD#1 2/23/13, online EA. Claimed NC but A continued until 3/20/13 when OW called it off. DD#2 4/4/13.

DD #3 9/21/13 2nd EA (with employee). He leaves.

Pursuing divorce.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2013
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will warn you though, that what they "say" they will do regarding $, providing for you, etc. and what they "actually" do, tend to differ greatly, and to the detriment of the BS.

You should hire a lawyer if at all possible. If I were to guess, I would say a lawyer in MA would require at least $1,500-$3,000 for a retainer.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3317 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
chikastuff
♀ Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what county you reside in, but I divorced in Bristol County (Southeastern MA) and I have a fabulous attorney I can refer you to. She has a flexible retainer fee and her hourly rate is reasonable. And she's GOOD! She has more than 20 years of experience working in the family court system, and she's a divorced mother.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 7

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