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User Topic: Siamese kitten has me suspicious?
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have taken a tally of all the things you have reported he has said and done. Affair or no affair, I would be gone. He is not a nice man and I wouldn't want to be around him and wouldn't want my children to be influenced by someone like him. I'm sorry but all of your obsessing about investigating and snooping to find proof is unnecessary and counterproductive. IMO you should be reserving that time, effort and money to be thinking about securing your future. I wish you the best.

Posts: 288 | Registered: Jul 2012
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with with cantgetup. I just didn't want to be the first one to say it. He, only IMO, has had and is still having an A. He has said and done all the things in the cheaters handbook.

You deserve better. Even though it is hard to see right now your kids will be better off not growing up around this because it will come out. It did with my oldest. It doesn't look like your WH is willing to change or cares about your feelings. It will get worse.

I am so sorry for saying all of this.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
TS68
♀ Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a weekend of bs and cans of whoopass opened on me, I think I need to listen to cantgetup



Married 20 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


He does own the business. And my plan right now is to play really nice. See where that gets me. As far as the PI goes, I have thought about it but wonder if they could find anything if it has ended?

I don't think they ever end. If he was having an EA with her and they still work together, nothing has changed. People don't just give up their emotions and continue working with someone.

Trust your gut. If he is not having a PA yet, he is definitely fishing for it. That he brought up the sisters Alex life by asking who she was $^*+ing is crossing a line. Coupled with him thinking about her, yeah, he's in it. Sorry.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TS68,

My WH also had an A with a co-worker. I originally caught him by checking his phonebill. Sounds to me like your WH has a secret phone now.
What does he usually do @ lunchtime---where does he go?
I borrowed a nondescript car & , sort of in disguise ( I put my hair up into a baseball cap & put sunglasses on) I made the rounds of all the restaurants I knew WH ate in at lunchtime, & TWICE I caught them having lunch together.

Or, you could follow her.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:25 AM, September 30th (Monday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have the time, read my backstory/journal; it's not complete, but it gives the details of what I suspected at different points in the betrayal. I always said I had enough evidence to convict him in civil court if not in criminal court (beyond a shadow of a doubt...)

We are now D for more than 2 years. To this day he STILL will not admit he is/was with her; they are 'just friends' (even though she's 'in a relationship' and has pictures of the two of them on her FB page.

Without a doubt, you are. being gaslighted


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19795 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TS)))

Was he a blamshifting, demeaning prick over the weekend? Mine loved to pull this stunt, it kept me at arms length, and reeling, trying to make his life happy for him.
So codpenedent I was, and it allowed him to maintain control over the situation. It sucked.

You are worth more, and you will only get more, by demanding it.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7797 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
TS68
♀ Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he was a demeaning prick over the weekend. I went on a camp out with my 7yo daughter Saturday, and on Sunday when I got home he said he had to go to his office. I decided to "drop in on him" there, saying that I wanted to see the ATV he bought as a prize for a customer which he had been talking about for a week... As I was driving there he called me and said he just left. When I told him I was heading to his office so he could show me the ATV, he said "stop driving around all over the place and putting miles on that new car." I turned around and went home. When he got home he was all over me about the $ I have been spending... Attacked me for too much on food, not organized, need to "get it together" etc etc. I played nice, apologized, said he was right, and cried as he lit into me. He got really nasty, lots of yelling. My son decided he could not study, too much noise, asked if I could take him to the library. I told him to ask his dad, I am driving around too much. He got in my sons face and I stood in between them. My son was crying saying he did not mean to make him mad. I would not back down. My H said I undermine his authority but my son needed defending at the time and I would not back down.
Then my H said "I should know how sideways he gets when he has to pay bills and I should just let it go". We have plenty of $ and I am not spending on luxuries. Luckily, he is gone now for the week so we can have some peace. Now I need to figure out what to do next... VAR the office? Call a lawyer? Make copies of financial papers at his office? I feel like this is a golden opportunity since I KNOW he won't be coming home before friday.

If I would have surprised him in the office at the least I would have seen the kitty toys all over, he would have to answer to that.

I have not left BC I am afraid if I do the kids will have to spend 50% of their time with him, which they would hate. If I am around then at least I can protect them from these outbursts (somewhat)

He tried to reach out to me this morning but I refused. He always tries mildly to make nice after an argument but rarely takes any responsibility. I accept responsibility to keep peace BC he is a prick if I defend myself then the kids have to suffer... You follow? So, if I can prove an affair it might give me a way out.

My kids. That is really all I care about.

I am on my lunch break at work and he just texted me asking how my day is. I have told myself I will not communicate with him this week. Let him stew for once.

Thanks everyone... From the bottom of my heart. I will pay it forward someday when I get this mess figured out



Married 20 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know...this is the second story involving kids that I've read on here this past week that pisses me off.

Fuck the fact that he is cheating. He is abusing your kids. Screaming in his son's face..because he wanted to go STUDY AT THE LIBRARY...to the point he had the kid in tears??

That.Is.Child.Abuse.

Who gives two shits if he is cheating if he is also abusing your kids?


He got shitty about the money because you were about to show up at work..and the OW was there. His anger..and yelling at you was his way of distracting you from what is going on..his affair.


File.


ETA: Oh..and yes.. I follow...you make nice with him to keep the peace. The kids watch him treat you like shit..they get treated like shit..and everything gets swept under the rug because we don't want to piss daddy off. Everyone tiptoes around daddy...because daddy is a monster.

That's a terrible way to live..for anyone. I know..BTDT..many times.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:21 PM, September 30th (Monday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7136 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^This


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow TS ... That brought some flashbacks. My H behaved abhorently during his A. Toward me mostly, but sometimes that anger spilled over to the kids, primarily my son at the time. IT SUCKS.

If you know he is gone, and is staying gone, I say you do it all. You go to an attorney sooner than later, because most folks live in no fault states, and having an A doesn't matter one damn iota. What does matter is his ability to spend the time parenting. Unless there is documented abuse, and it usually has to be more than verbal he is likely to get 50/50, that also does not mean they will spend 50% of their time with him. THAT is negotiable.

You need your proof to tell him this is why you are kicking him out. Don't be the one to leave the home, since you are primary caregiver to the kids. Hell girl from what you said you work weekend option, and are mom the rest of the time, he's lucky that you are willing to sacrifice so much for him/family.
I say nanny cam's in his office, and your bedroom. I also say continue to lay low, and play nice. But I want you to be extra super cautious, if he is "out of town" this week you need to verify he is, and not shacking up with his AP, more than one WS has played that game.

You are strong, smart, and capable, remember that. Take care of you, and your children first and foremost, and if he continues to behave like an ass, and be verbally abusive it may be wise to get a few of those episodes on tape, for when you are discussing custody, child support, and spousal support.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7797 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with tush nurse on getting some of those conversations on tape. Did you know that many smart phones can download an app that will act as a VAR if you carry yours on you all the time it might be helpful.

FYI my WH was a total asshat to. Me during his EA. he was a whole different person. I wonder sometimes if they get stressed front the lying and cover stories and it comes out as anger.

Good luck I hope you find the proof you need. From your posts I can honestly say that you are not crazy...there is something going on, just need to figure out what.!

(((Hugs)))


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TS,
Did OW have to go away for the business trip too?
If you are not sure, you could call the office # from a blocked #, to see if she answers. If she doesn't, what about the idea of calling her at home, from a blocked #. If she answers, then at least you know that she did not go on the business trip with WH. If her fiance answers, what about telling him about your suspicions. Maybe he has been suspicious too, & has evidence of his own.
If both WH & OW are away, this week is the time for you to connect with OW's fiance.

Whether or not OW went on the trip, while your WH is away may be the time for you to contact OW fiance

[This message edited by mchercheur at 3:03 PM, September 30th (Monday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gee, your WS sounds like a real grouch ! He's out of town all week? Well, hmmmm, I'd bake some cookies or pick up some really good doughnuts or something and drop by his office to 'treat the help.' Be nice but not sickly so nice.... just normal ! Leave a note on his desk for hubby, you know, because he's gone all week and you want to leave him a 'welcome back' note so he will find it upon his return. Chat up the office help in a friendly manner.... 'just wanted to let you know I appreciate all your hard work,' kind a visit. If the skank isn't there, ask where she is.... if she's on the trip with your h.... well, there you are. I'd be seeing a lawyer, no matter what. Your children may be old enough that they get to choose where they want to live, depending on what state you're in. Good luck.


Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 433 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^That would be a good opportunity to plant the VAR in the office.
If OW is not there, maybe you can plant another one by her desk.
BTW, where did WH go?


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
TS68
♀ Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is traveling around our state with the manufacturer he represents training all branches of his new acct. I am 99% sure of this, as his two other guys are doing the same, I saw the spreadsheet. I don't think there is any way they can be together BC no one is left to cover the office. BUT I have been wrong before...
The other time I put a VAR in the office she was not alone, the other employees where there. But if I place one now I might be able to get something about the state of their relationship as I would hear her convos in an office with all employees out.

We will see.



Married 20 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I somewhat doubt that a man like this would even seek 50%custody. He is too consumed with self and GF.

But, this really needs to stop one way or another. This is behavior that will be picked up by your children and they will start treating you like this in no time. When they grow up they will treat their SOs like this. ((((HUGS)))


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have an update TS68? Has your husband been talking to you whilst away? Did you place the VAR?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please listen to your intuition. It is ALWAYS right.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you are doing okay. Check in with us my dear.

sending you strength.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
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