My opinion, WHY WAIT? Regardless of what he is doing with her, he is flat out lying to you and making you look like a fool over and over again. Not to mention, playing with your already fragile emotions with the shower scenes and love making....You have to value yourself more then that!
I just found out about my H PA about a month ago and every time I snoop and/ or directly ask him questions...a little bit more information comes out and a little bit more of my self esteem goes down the drain.
When is enough- enough? When do we stop letting them chip away at us one email, text message or "kiss" at a time?
I say- take a stand for your children and especially yourself! You/ WE deserve better!!!!
I still love my WH very much! That is the worst part for me ( probably all of us). But without self respect, we/you will slowly sink into depression and that is a tough hole to dig yourself out of.
All I'm saying is- don't let him TAKE anymore from you then he already has. If you're going to try and R, then set boundaries and stick to them( make sure he does as well)....be consistent in your efforts for a brighter future-whether together or on your own.