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Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dating a Momma's Boy
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
What?  Posted: 11:03 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here date a momma's boy or marry one?

I'm currently friends with what I'd call a true momma's boy. He's an only child and his mom is newly widowed. It seems to me that he's always at his mom's place on his free time...after work and weekends.

He seems to really be devoted to his mother and loves her very much....but...it seems to me a little much. He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends. Really?? You think??

For those of you that have dated or married a momma's boy, what has been your experience? Any advice? Should I run for the hills?

Personally, it's a bit much for me. I think I'm better off keeping him in the Friend Zone.

BTW, he was at his parents' place just as much prior to his dad passing so it isn't new behavior on his part.


Posts: 495 | Registered: Jul 2008
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run for the hills!

(My XWH's MOW was a clone of his mom, though younger.)

FOO problems like crazy!!!

Google a forum "MIL stories" if you want to read from others who married/are dating Momma's Boys.

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll echo phmh: RUN!!!!!

The X was a mama's boy through and through, but it was a bit more insidious; she involved him in criminal activity at an early age which continued into adulthood. I didn't find out about it until after the betrayal. I knew they were too close, but I thought it was because of the psychotic, alcoholic father (yeah; the X was a catch )

His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently.

Don't get involved unless you think of him as you would a gay friend--no romantic interest ever.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 12:25 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20291 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run away right now! If he has already stated that this has caused problems before and he has continued in this mama's boy mode does not good for your future added to the fact the his dad just died and all his free time is spent with her, not good or healthy for all involved.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1608 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has told me it has caused issues for a couple of his previous girlfriends.

So he knows this. Is he making any effort to change it, or was he telling you because he's looking for someone that won't make him cut the apron strings?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RUN


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RUN, you will always be treated as second best. Unlikely the relationship would be a healthy partnership with MIL in the mix.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I married a momma's boy. Now my XMIL is a great woman and individually, I had zero problems with her. But there was no individually with her and my X. Apparently they came as a set. It caused so much strain in my marriage and I never felt I ever came first. His mother always did.

My family is close but not THAT close and I could never relate to his relationship with his mom.

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:18 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had to add: You know how you always hear about finding a boy that treats his mother well? Well that can often backfire.

edited for typos

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 8:17 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I read this before, it was just automatic reflex to type in "RUN", since I am married to Momma's Boy.

I realized that it has been troubling me since then.

I know this is the New Beginnings Forum, & I really belong in R, but :

RUN, you will always be treated as second best. Unlikely the relationship would be a healthy partnership with MIL in the mix
.

But there was no individually with her and my X. Apparently they came as a set. It caused so much strain in my marriage and I never felt I ever came first. His mother always did.

His mom treated him like a boyfriend; she flirted with him quite frequently

^^^^This is all true, in our case. Am trying like crazy to get WH to look at it in MC. Sometimes I feel like MIL is another OW.

What do you guys think is the connection between being a Momma's Boy & infidelity?

Do you guys think there is any hope of R with a Momma's Boy?


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too, long before infidelity, felt like my X's mother was the OW. So I can relate. I also experienced the "flirting" another poster referred to between my husband and the mother. Although I don't think it was incestuous or anything like that, it was still weird, creepy and makes me want to .

Back to your question:

There is always hope of R as long as your WH is willing to do the work to address his issues no matter what they are. It could be addiction, momma's boy, FOO, whatever. It really doesn't matter the issue, what really matters is if they want to address it and hopefully change.

Of course there are no guarantees but you know the drill: Actions, actions, actions!

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 9:30 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13326 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks mom of 2,
I think WH & I made a significant step in MC this past week. I finally, after 2 yrs, 4 mos. & 17 days post Dday, got him to talk about: "You told me you knew that what you were doing was wrong ( when he was having sex with OW). What did you tell yourself to give yourself permission to do it."
He said I had been angry at him for awhile, & OW thought WH was the best thing since sliced bread.
I pointed out that WH's mother was an unremorseful OW & WW herself, & all of WH's life told him "She didn't do anything wrong. She was entitled to be happy." I think that's what WH told himself, since kids think what their parent says is the truth.

This from a woman who left WH , who was 3 yo, with a babysitter most afternoons while she went to bars to try to meet men,while WH's father (who was a sweet man) worked like a slave , 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. Finally , WH's mother met a MOM, ran off with him, taking WH, & destroying 2 families.
Pre A, it was like she can do no wrong, but whatever goes wrong is my fault.
Now, I think he is trying. But with 56 yrs being a Momma's Boy, it will probably take some time.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:37 PM, September 28th (Saturday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ex-asshat was a mama's boy, too. When we first got married, he used to refer to his mother as his "magic mama." I think he was kidding... but I think he also believed it. Who the hell can compete with that?

When we lived over 200 miles from his parents (when we weren't closer or even living with them), we still went to visit almost every single weekend. It was like he couldn't stand to be alone with his own family, his wife and kids. He always had to be around his mother. All major holidays had to be spent there, as well. He was always pretty crappy to my family - his came first. And his mother could do no wrong.

I'll never step into that again, that's for sure!


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
fadedrainbow
♀ Member
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was married to a Momma's boy. I didn't really understand the dynamic when I was married. I get it now. I am still recovering from the fallout. Her letters to him began: "My darling little pet", and ended "from your loving Mummy" XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo The letters rarely mentioned me or my children.


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
Eranda
♀ Member
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me? Never.

Someone who's parent is their primary relationship in adulthood has some problems. Problems that I'm not willing to deal with frankly.

I'd say run.


My Blog: http://allofthewaystohell.com/

Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I married one, but, luckily his mother lived quite far away (and now is literally as far away on Earth as she can be), so, our big issue was phone calls. I ended up breaking up with him once over this, and I did tell him I felt like his mother was the OW in our relationship.

One day, I read him some articles about emotional incest and things started to change real quick.

He hasn't spoken to her in a year now actually. I am not sure he handled it "right" but, he seems ok, and we don't have to deal with her, and things are good, so I can't complain too much.

But, it was a lot of work on both our parts, but especially his, and he had to realize there was work to be done and WANT to do it. Without those 2 things, I don't think it would have worked at all. Well, those 2 things, and a huge physical distance.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was married to one. Run for the fucking hills. Mom will come first. You will never be good enough. And general mothrs of momma's boys encourage that behavior and will fight a perceived threat.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run. Run and don't look back. A "momma's boy" is NOT a grown man, and probably never will be....and you will be forever compared to his oh-so-perfect mother. Plus, the mamma's boy in my past could not take care of his own shit to save his life. The man couldn't even slice a freakin tomato without needing adult supervision. I'm not kidding.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RUN?? Run? But...but he tells me I'm Bee-u-tee-ful??

This "friend" has other issues besides being a momma's boy. I've brought them to his attention but obviously he's not willing to change. It's okay because I'm friend zoning him.

I'm not willing to settle or compromise next time around. And if there's no next time? Well, it's better than putting up with someone's issues and nonsense. And heck if I'm going to be 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., in a relationship. If he wants his mother, he can have her!

Last week I texted him and told him what I had for dinner. He replied and said he had take-out and told me what he ate. BUT WAIT...here comes his next text telling what his mother ate! I kid you not!! CRAZY!


Thank you all for your replies! They are extremely helpful.


Posts: 495 | Registered: Jul 2008
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, please everyone run from these! There are all different kinds, mine was constantly looking for mom's approval, she was his conscience and when she died it died with him. As soon as she died he started with OW....she gave him the kibbles he could no longer strive for from his mother.
This week, after I discovered by using a VAR that he was still in contact with OW AND had been buying cocaine from her for two years, he says he wants to quit and become normal. I say, so two weeks ago you were fine with what you were doing, but now that I have this recording you want to stop?

He says yes.....his mother must have been watching out for him.

HIs mother.

His dead for 14 years mother.

I give up.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 21
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