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User Topic: advice please
tushnurse
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Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so I have 2 kids in high school, they also go to school with my youngest niece who lives next door. I love this kid like one of my own.

My youngest who plays on the golf team with her comes home one day this week and says her and some of the frshman volleyball and freshman golfers were sharing a bus to a practice and the volleyball girls were saying that my niece is dating a female volleyball player.

My niece has always been athletic, a bit of a tomboy, and very independent minded. She broke up with a boyfriend of almost 2 years this past spring. I would not be shocked, if she is homosexual, nor would it effect how anyone in my family treats her.

My question is do I say something to my sister? I would want to know if it were me, but I also dont want to start drama for any of them. Seriously I know for a fact she will be loved and acceppted by the whole big family, but if its not true, I dont want to start trouble.

She is a great kid, straight A, all honors, two sport senior, with pending acedemic, and sports scholarships to a major university. So do I leave that sleeping dog lie?


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say leave it alone. If she's gay, chances are her mom already has a clue about that. If it's just a phase, there's no need to make a big deal out of it. JMO.

Posts: 11605 | Registered: Mar 2008
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some kids say things that are untrue. The other kids might be saying this to pick on her because she is a tom boy.

If she is dating a girl, she will come out when she is ready.

If the family would love her gay or straight why would it be creating problems to quietly talk to her mom about what was said.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8214 | Registered: Sep 2007
little turtle
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Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it's your place to tell your sister. We don't know if it's true. You could talk to your niece and see if she tells you anything about it. If she does tell you, I would find out if she told her mom and go from there.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A) You don't know if it's true

B) She isn't being hurt or hurting another person.

I would leave this alone. Let's assume she is gay, "coming out" is a highly personal and stressful experience, especially for adolescence. It is her journey. Let her navigate it.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends on the kind of relationship you have with your sister. If you two talk on a daily basis and share pretty much everything, I imagine it would be hard NOT to say anything. But again I don't know what type of relationship you two have. I think its absolutely wonderful that the family would not judge your niece at all, so no matter what (if you talk to your sister or not) it will have a good outcome.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Audrina
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Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I think you should leave it alone.
Her sexuality is her own personal business and she should be the one to tell your sister WHEN she is ready.

Put yourself in her shoes. :)

Just to add, my younger brother is gay and has yet to come out to my parents.
I would never dream of outing him. It's his decision, not mine.

[This message edited by Audrina at 5:04 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]


Me (betrayed): 35
Him:45


Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your youngest tell you this in what he or she perceived as confidence? How will your child feel if you tell your sister what they told you?

This could be crap that someone made up -- you know that highschoolers, especially girls, can be mean. It could be a misconception. It could be true. But none of that matters if you tell your sister and then you child feels like you repeated something they did not want repeated. So check with your kid first.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
jrc1963
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Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My only "concern" and this is only because it's been in the news lately is...

Is your niece a minor? If she's not and the other girl is... Then there could be issues.

Not issues I'd personally have a problem with... but the younger girls parents could take issue with it if it's discovered and your niece is over 18.

Other than that, I agree with Previous Posters... it's not your place to tell.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24448 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
sad12008
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Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A bunch of hearsay to begin with; I wouldn't say anything. Lots of reasons; you could start with you really don't "know" anything.

If she is gay, let her come out on her own timetable.


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3863 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the input.

We grew up in a home where homosexuality was considered something normal, and very accepted. As a result we (my sister and I have always had gay friends). We had a close friend impacted by the early days of AIDS, and die far too young, and we had another commit suicide over his angst at being who he was an not being accepted by his family. So when I say we all would accept her, I know that to be true.

I also know that is my Niece is dating this girl, and she is happy that's all that matters. I also know that if she truly is gay, and has made that choice, it won't take her long to come out. She is very happy with who shee is, and takes no crap from anyone.

I guess since this is the first of hearing about it, I will not say anything, but if there is a running theme, then talk to my sister about it. We used to be much closer, but don't talk nearly as often these days.

Anyway thanks for the input and sage advice.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 11

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