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Newest Member: wwfsmd (44889)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Retrouvaille
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH scheduled it! Like coordinated our schedules to find a date that would work, contacted the leaders, filled out the registration....everything!

Holy cow!


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 35080 | Registered: Mar 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very, very cool! I'm happy for you.

Retrouvaille really was an important turning point in our healing. I feel for me it sealed the deal in that I knew that my FWH was really into me and our marriage. He put so much effort into the weekend, didn't shirk one single exercise. What he was able to reveal to me that weekend put him in a whole new wonderful light for me.

Be prepared to work hard. It isn't a leisurely weekend. It is so worth all of the hard work, though. Good luck!

eta: to fix word

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:21 PM, September 29th (Sunday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9628 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy cow is right. So happy for you!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome!!

Even tho you're in a group setting, all your exercises are done in private and you're never asked to share anything unless you volunteer to. Don't be turned off the the religious tone, it's very mild and you're not obligated to attend morning Mass, but it's there if you choose to participate.

If you can, take the following Monday off, you both will be completely, emotionally exhausted and will need time to re-charge.

The whole point to the program is to give you the tools to communicate openly and honestly and really hear the other person. You'll carry the communication tools with you from here on out.

Everything is very private, you are never asked to share anything, unless you volunteer to do so. I highly recommend you take your favorite pen or pencil...you'll be writting alot. Once a day or so the priest who was doing some of the presentations asked a sort of, "Anybody like to share about how it's going" type of question. People gave fairly general comments, but there were a few who got emotional. It was completely voluntary though.

You are never asked to read what you’ve written to the group. If you or your FWS is a private person, he doesn't need to worry a bit. At the end of the weekend, you'll be given an envelope, and you offer what you can afford. Our weekend cost approximately $250.00 per person, this includes all your workshop materials, 3 meals a day and lodging. You are not required to donate anything, they only ask you give as much as you are comfortable with…it’s completely anonymous. If you can’t afford to donate anything, no one will know the difference.

MH and I were blessed with being able to pay for both our expenses and we covered partial cost for another couple…again, completely anonymous. This is all done in the privacy of your room.



"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197678 | Registered: May 2002
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would REALLY like to attend one of these, but the only one offered in our area does the 12 f/u classes on an evening that I'm working. There's absolutely no possible way for me to reschedule that shift for 12 consecutive weeks.

Is it worth the weekend experience if you go into it knowing you can't complete the 12 week follow up sessions?


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would REALLY like to attend one of these, but the only one offered in our area does the 12 f/u classes on an evening that I'm working. There's absolutely no possible way for me to reschedule that shift for 12 consecutive weeks.

Is it worth the weekend experience if you go into it knowing you can't complete the 12 week follow up sessions?


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The weekend itself is wonderful and very insightful. It started the dialogue between my H and myself. The follow-ups are important as they start tackling other "foundations" of a healthy M. They really want you to commit to all of it.

My H and I went to a couple followups (ours were Sat. nights 2 hours away!) and it was really hard to continue when we had other life events happening (DD's prom, etc.) However, that said, that group probably hosts these sessions regularly and you can always jump in to a follow up session that you missed a few months later. They are piloting some on-line ones as well (I didn't try these either).

Even if it's just a one weekend "let's get reconnected" thing for you, I believe it's still very beneficial. But just like physical therapy after an injury, the regular follow-up is important. Equally as important is doing the recommended daily exercises.

My H and I didn't continue the exercises and our communication has definitely gone downhill lately...


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 671 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 3:50 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it worth the weekend experience if you go into it knowing you can't complete the 12 week follow up sessions?

We will not be able to do them either, so I will let you know. We are going to have to drive 4 hours to get there, so it would be impossible.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU!!! I'll be anxious for your feedback :)

Also, if I could "like" this post, I totally would!!!


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

We got back last night and it was everything we expected and more. I would say, run, don't walk, to get registered.

DS, you weren't kidding about us being emotionally exhausted (but in a good way). All the kids were late to school this morning lol.

We will only be able to attend 2 of the 6 follow up sessions due to his schedule and the distance. But I will report back on them after we go.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
MylarPineapples
♀ Member
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to hear you had a good experience. We are scheduled to attend in a couple of months, and I hope it will be worthwhile.


Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please remember that once you've attended a weekend, you can go to ANY post-session at ANY time they are offered. We had to miss one and we attended another group's session to get it. And if we want or need to repeat, we can just keep going to post-sessions for as long as we want, so if you find that you have a time later on when you CAN go, you're encouraged to do so.

You should have a list of the mentoring couples who were there on your weekend along with their contact info. Contact one of them, ask them about CORE and when/where those are held in your area. (((hugs)))

And keep working the program. Even if and especially when the two of you aren't feeling the love. That's when it can be most important!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4785 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the update.

Posts: 35080 | Registered: Mar 2011
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah! We loved it as well, it gave us the push we needed. We did the first session, but had to missed the second week. We could tell we were a bit off, so looking forward to this weekend!


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jul 2013
Silentthoughts
♀ Member
Member # 40289
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post gave me the push to get info. Just put in a request. There is a weekend in a few months close by. I'm gonna talk to h about it tonight. Thanks for the kick start!


WW - early 50s (me)
BH - late 40s
3 grown children
Married 25 years
Online cyber sex dec 2010. I got caught late dec 2010. Lying and TT until full disclosure jan 2011.
In R we both are committed to staying in this M.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is one in February...wife is interested...we are really considering doing this.

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3635 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 17

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