My journey to survive from my husbands multiple affairs and sex addiction.
Believe him. It could have been anyone who said "yes".
[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 9:14 AM, September 30th (Monday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
So, in a way, it couldn't have been anyone. OTOH, did he know her? She was pretty much a blank slate in some ways. He now admits to being kind of astonished at how little he "really" knew about her.
We'll never understand it.
[This message edited by Blobette at 10:34 AM, September 30th (Monday)]
And some others might be of a mind set where attention from "just about anyone" would easily lead to an A.
But I don't go along with that blanket statement that for anybody having an A, it could be anyone.
I actually read that on the other forum and was wishing I could respond because I agree that many people in an A do have real feelings for the AP and that in some cases they may even come to "love" them. Even though they usually don't face the pressures of homelife and marriage with that person, if the relationship goes on long enough, there will be arguments and other things that will make the rose colored glasses come off little by little, as they find that person probably does stink up the bathroom when they go, just like everybody else.
I don't think BS do ourselves a favor by downplaying the "love" that WS sometimes claim for their OP. And the WS that also say it could have been anyone, well maybe it could have been for the one saying it, but I don't think that is being honest for all WS's.
I have not really read the other thread, but I think this phrase is used because it's not about how awesome the AP is, but the fucked up part of the WS making the choices. The reason it could have been anyone is because the AP was an escape, not a real relationship. It's like an alcoholic pounding a certain kind of beer. You don't drink a case a night because you love that brew, you drink it because you're an alcoholic.
It couldn't literally be anyone, obviously. I don't think it's reasonable to say "Any random cock that was lobbed her way like a tumescent lawn dart would do" but what made the AP special was the fucked process in her head, not anything individually appealing about him. Maybe his big mothra dick, but if that's the case she could have streamlined the process there a lot more effectively than she did.
I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's somebody out there who is so fucking awesome I won't be able to keep my dick in my pants when I meet her, and I will be launched at her vagina because she's so much cooler than my wife. Of course I accept the reality that if I step back and look at things objectively, of course she is not the single most beautiful, sexy, brilliant, awesome woman in the world. Of course there is somebody out there better than her at all those things, probably even at the same time. What makes her the most beautiful, sexy, brilliant awesome woman in the world is that I don't give a shit enough about other women to care how they rank. This is the relationship I am in and she is the woman I want to make it work with. If I get to a place where that is no longer true then there is either the right way to deal with that, or the wrong way. Sexual gravity does not sneak up and wrench my cock out of orbit during a neap tide or something.
As for whether or not feelings can be real, sure, feelings are real. The things those feelings are for are pretty much bullshit when it comes to an A, as far as I am concerned. I saw my wifes relationship with this guy. Any feelings she had were constructed around a fantasy.
Of course, my ONS and 2 EA's were short. I had very little invested as far as emotion to either.
I would think that if it was an LTA that there was more to the person then to the situation. Once you have to start putting real effort into the sneaking around, the long term lying, the juggling act, then I think the WS need to have a reason to do all those things with that particular person.
What makes her the most beautiful, sexy, brilliant awesome woman in the world is that I don't give a shit enough about other women to care how they rank. This is the relationship I am in and she is the woman I want to make it work with. If I get to a place where that is no longer true then there is either the right way to deal with that, or the wrong way. Sexual gravity does not sneak up and wrench my cock out of orbit during a neap tide or something.
Loved this!! Stillgoing rocks.