I supported him the best way I knew how. When he wanted to start his own business I told him I could handle the billing/customer service and I could help find new clients. He equaled that to me being controlling. He needed money from time to time because he was short. He equaled that to having another another bank account he could tap into. I also helped him get his first office job. Just to name a few examples.
Now that's all changed because he chose to cheat and not work on any of it. He shut me out in all aspects of his life. For years after Dday I tried to work on things. I tried to talk with him, find the answers I needed and work passed this to a better relationship and to a future. That never happened. He resisted at all cost.
Last week (some of you may remember my snooping post) I had the opportunity to check his Ipad and computer. I received great advice from many of you on either side of issue of checking on him. In the end, I decided not to. I have a little regret about not checking on him, but when I think about it, it's not worth it anymore. What would it have given me? It would have settled my suspicions that he was up to something (I already knew that since he signed onto AFF the last week of August). It would have given me more evidence to add to the stack that I already have, but that's it. I know it wouldn't have changed anything. It just doesn't matter any more.
He talks about me and our son behind our backs to his friend. He is awesome at playing the victim and making me look I don't do anything. He even told one of his friends that he's "waiting for me to step-up."
I do have many blessings in my life. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table. Most important, I have two wonderful, happy and healthy children. The other blessing that I have, as odd as it may seem, is that I know I tried.
I gave it my best. That's all I can really say, I gave it my best.
D-Day June 12th 2008, D-Day #2 Sept 28th
D-Day #3 Feb 15th & 16th 2010, D-Day #4 Nov 29th 2010
My heart is heavy for you.
"I'm happily indifferent to the ones who have consistently been wrong" ~kd lang~
Please take care of you and your babies. If you don't have an exit plan,work on one. You can't depend on him,as you well know.
This isn't your fault. You didn't cause this...and you can't change this.
Work on detaching. Do things for you and the kids that make you happy. Look at him as a room mate that you have to tolerate. Be polite, but don't engage. Enraging just brings you pain.
What have you done today,just for yourself? If you haven't done anything yet..do it right now,if possible.
[This message edited by confused615 at 2:17 PM, September 30th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I guess I need to learn the difference between helping and controlling
Confused, exactly! Who does that!?
I do have an exit plan, I just need a job first.
I'm working on that. I feel that I do the "one step forward, three steps back" dance a lot.
I didn't do anything for myself today. I know I should have. Do you know something, though? I read your post just after my daughter got off the bus. I looked at the kids and said "I'm bored, who wants to go to the park?" Well, they jumped all over the place and screamed "WE DO!!" That was best We spent an hour at the park. I chatted with a nice man who was there with hours granddaughter. I learned a lot about him My daughter got dizzy on the tire swing. My son stayed with her and they played together. He loved running up the slide. The three of us had a fabulous time
Your h seems to use his son and wife as stepping stones so he doesnt appear the scum bag. That is low down to make a 10 yr old look bad to make yourself look good.
Your h is going to be one of those old people who are totally alone but dont get why.
I am sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you and your kids. You are right he doesn't matter.