sh - You are right, either way you come out of this stronger, smarter, and better. Try to keep that in mind when it gets hard again, and it will.
Decide what you want, and what you need from her to move on toward R. In simple terms, and tell her this is what you absolutely have to have from her at a minimum. If she is willing to play then you can move forward, if she has excuses, fights, or raises hell, then you need to get to an attorney immediately. cause seh aint getting it.
keep posting, keep reading.