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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fired the MC / I'm important.
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I have been seeing a MC for the past 3 months.

She wasn't great, but we felt we were making some progress. She was good at trying to get us to communicate better, but did not deal with the infidelity.

Saturday was the last straw, she said, for the 4th time, you have to get past it. you have to forgive. He made a mistake.

I EXPLODED!!!

He did not make a mistake, he made a choice. Bouncing a check is a mistake, getting a parking ticket is a mistake. Choosing to have an A is not making a mistake. It is a choice. I was LIVID. Session was done. I was done. paid my copay and left.

Does she address the 6 months of lies after DDay? Does she address the 2 years of lies? No. She calls it a mistake.

I am so done with her. WH agrees, and we are now looking for a new MC. He is slowly getting it. WH could tell I was upset. We went to lunch and talked. He understood my anger. He has been reading SI more, and actually sharing what he reads, what resonates with him.

He told me this morning before he left for work that he loved me and that I am important to him. I almost cried. I have been telling him for 7 months that I need to feel important, feel that I am a priority. He is starting to tell me, and show me.

I finally slept more then 4 hours last night. I hope this is a start of true R.

I hope he starts driving the bus, I need a break. He needs to take the wheel.


BS (me) - early 50's
WH (him)- mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling. Still waiting for a timeline.

Married 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day


Posts: 197 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((3kids)) This is awful... but you did the right thing. Seriously, I hate HATE C who push for this so hard so soon! . Should they really even push for it at all?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4524 | Registered: Dec 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice. Good job! I hope you find a good one and that sounds like your WH is defogging a bit.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, you are important, 3kids30years. (your name was me at d-day, too! our d-days almost exactly 3 years apart)

At 3 months past d-day at a MC session the counselor asked me if I had any more questions about the affair. I said yes, I do. She told me to go ahead and ask them. I did. Then she said can you think of anything else? I said no. She then told me that should be it then. That I shouldn't ask any more questions. Lets move forward. She dismissed us from counseling about a month later. Proud of us. Saying we were doing so well.

Stupid me. How the fuck would I know that was a totally fucked up thing for MC to say. I hadn't found SI yet. So, 3 months after d-day, I thought the MC must know what she was talking about. Started to suppress my feelings. Thought there was something wrong with me. 5 months after d-day, I am crying every day. More than even in the early days after d-day. 6-8 months I am getting angrier and angrier every day. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.

Eight months after d-day I find SI. I am not crazy or messed up. I am normal. MC is the one that is cray-cray!

I am glad your WH agrees and seems to be getting it. That was nice he told you that this morning.

I hope he starts driving the bus, I need a break. He needs to take the wheel.
I hope he does, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW Sister,

I feel like twins! And just to know you're still here gives me hope.

Just reread my post, lotta "I's" in it. I know I'm working on me, but really? Need to step back and readjust.

Finding SI was a gift. Just to know I'm not alone, not the only one who is trying to get thru this, not the only one who is crying at "nothing", not cray cray!(okay, maybe a little)

I really enjoy reading your responses to people. You really care, you make people think. Thank you.

As for me, I heard from WH 4 times today (a record). He actually called 2 MC's on his own!!!! He is waiting for them to call back, he is going to ask how they deal with infidelity. Maybe he has found his keys and is starting to drive the bus. I hope he backs over OW while he is driving. I can't seem to get a clear shot - lol.

[This message edited by 3kids30years at 5:55 PM, September 30th (Monday)]


BS (me) - early 50's
WH (him)- mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling. Still waiting for a timeline.

Married 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day


Posts: 197 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. When you are interviewing new MC's tell them why you fired this one and find out how they would deal with it.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I applaud you. Well done!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 7

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