The new wife may wonder why you are contacting him and think that you are interested in him again. So be careful.
Yeah, I've thought of that too. She actually graduated high school with me, and met xBF through me.
My wBF isn't thrilled about me contacting him either. It took several times of me asking him to stop contact before he did when I started dating wBF.
I'm going to talk to my IC more about it tomorrow.
ETA: I don't know. Maybe I did deserve it. I guess if I was my xBF, I would say that about karma.
[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 1:03 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]
I am your ex boyfriend
I read some of your prior posts. My xBF was never married, and has no kids, so I don't think you're him. I'm sorry for the pain that you've gone through. No one deserves this.
You telling him now will most likely make him laugh especially if he is engaged to someone else but at least he will get closure and some satisfaction . So I say , gently, do that for him and as far as your pain I hate being insensitive but sorry , I feel that payback is a bitch and karma sucks. Now you know for next time but it is very positive and good that you know what you did and can admit it.
Closure from what, exactly? Hi, moved on, happy with my life, getting married, ta da. That's about as closure as it gets. Having someone poke you and go, oh yeah, well I cheated on you would be either a who the fuck cares or a derailment as he tries to figure out why he's stung when he doesn't give two shits anymore. Rejection, even post appocolyptic can be a real mind fuck for some regardless of the importance of the inflictor. I can't help but think that's a very NPD move. Here, let me blow up your life so I can move on with mine, oh yeah, thanks.
As far as the Karma deal. That's not karma but reality. If you don't fix your shit you continue to be covered in it wherever you go. Kinda gets on everything. And stinks. A lot.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
I am so sorry , I did not mean that literally , I just meant I am a guy who was betrayed like your ex was. I am also sorry that you are betrayed now . I guess I am still bitter. I apologize for the misunderstanding .
Thank you for clarifying. And I understand, I'm bitter too over my current situation. I'm also trying to fix myself though, and want to do whatever's in the best interests of myself, my xBF, and my current wBF. Not that it probably matters, but I always kind of suspected my xBF cheated on me too. He started officially dating the new girl a week after we broke up, and met her through me.
I can't help but think that's a very NPD move. Here, let me blow up your life so I can move on with mine, oh yeah, thanks.
I am torn between that perspective, and the perspective of feeling like he deserves the truth, even if it's later than it should be. I partly feel like it's selfish to confess to him now, and partly feel like I'm being selfish if I don't confess.
She's basically saying that you should intrude on someone else's life because you want to get something off your chest.
That's the same as trying to dump your problem off on someone else. You cheated on your xBF. That's your problem to solve. You shouldn't involve him, IMO.
Don't get me wrong - you can solve this problem for yourself, and you deserve to, but the work you need to do is with yourself.
How would this IC guide you if your xBF were unavailable? If she can't come up with a good answer to that, you probably should replace her.
What you're talking about doing is affecting his past reality and that window is closed. Just as we can't erase the past we also can't go back and "adjust" it. All we do is change the present. Do you belong in his present?
I'd understand if he were reaching out and still trying to pursue. Still chasing. Still trying to connect. He isn't.
What you do to atone and make amends is make yourself a safe person. Change is the best testimony to remorse. Otherwise it's just bullshit anyway.
Now, if you still feel just overwhelmed with guilt send an annonymous gift of cash to the happy couple. I'm sure that'd be greatly appreciated and may quench your thirst for pennance. I'm not being a smart ass either. That's always a great wedding gift no matter where you're registered.