something I find also is that I get some of the most comfort out of time spent with other people who have been betrayed
I agree with this. When a friend's husband cheated on her, I could not relate because I was not married at the time. Now, after my WS experience, I can relate with the first breath that the betrayed spouse starts to utter.
I haven't watched the link.
But I have endured both. The loss of a child and the pain of infidelity.
For me the pain was similar but not the same.
I lost my son 12 years ago. It was the most traumatic experience of my life not something I would wish on my worse enemy. Not a day goes by where I don't think of my son.
The true difference is my son didn't choose to die.
My exwh chose to kill our marriage and our family not just once but multiple times.
The pain of the last infidelity was enormous and it almost broke me completely. But seeking help from my doctor was the best thing I ever did. In the words of my doctor "You have been to hell and back more times then anyone should have to endure, but you have been through a bigger hell then this shitstorm, you made it through that one, you can make it through this one." I love my doctor she is a straight shooter and tells it exactly how it is.
The hardest thing now, is still when people ask me how many kids I have.
It's far easier to tell people I am divorced then tell people I had to bury one of my children.
XWH made a conscience choice to do what he did. My son did not.
For me, the death of a child is hell on earth; the absolutely worse thing that has happened me and the pain never goes away.
My heart goes out to those that have lost their children. I can not imagine the pain you've been through.
The infidelity was at least slightly worse.
The video showed a father who learned how to take care of his daughter. I didn't know fathers did this. When my daughter was hospitalized twice and my son visited the emergency room every other month for years, my stbx did not step up to the plate. He didn't even visit our daughter. I am realizing now through listening to other people and learning (like with this video) that his lack of action when the children were ill, is not the norm. Right now, I am in awe of the father in the video. He put his whole heart and life into his child.
After I found out my H was unfaithful, I've had to consider life without him, but in a different way. I've talked to a lawyer, talked to my dad about living with him until I get on my feet, I've looked into schools my daughter would attend, etc. Again, I'd have to walk through the dark, depressing tunnel, but I can see the light at the end. I can imagine a good life afterward.
Losing my daughter? Nope. I have nothing. I cannot see past that at all. I cannot imagine not having her in my life. It's not like seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It's getting sucked into a huge black hole with no light, no hope. Just nothing but darkness forever.
I would rather my H cheat on me repeatedly for the rest of my life than lose my daughter. I would gladly relive every horrible experience of my life...all the physical abuse, sexual abuse/assault, the manipulation of my ex, the loss of my cousin and best friend, the miscarriages, being homeless, etc...all of that and more IN ADDITION TO a serial cheating H. I've read that comparing infidelity to the death of a child is comparing apples to oranges. I disagree. It's like comparing apples to freaking freight trains, IMO.
What I can say is that at the time Xh was there with me. He is the only reason I got through that time.
When D-day rolled around Xh was not there for me, not how I needed him anyway. He was there trying to be comforting ect but at the sametime he was trying to distance me from him. He had already left the M and moved on, while we were still M'ed and I had no idea.
D-day was worse for me. I felt truly alone and adrift. However, if I were to loose a baby/child as a single parent that would be far worse.