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User Topic: The long term consequences of my bad treatment of others.
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

read dare 2 love's idea a few times

Maybe ask yourself why you don't want to dump this fucker and start a friendship and see where it leads...

why eat the rotten apple when you can have the nice crispy, juicy one?


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because I am not attracted to the man and I cannot turn off my own feelings and go after someone else.

I am currently trying to step back from the current situation. The danger for me at this point is that I am hurt and angry... and he managed to get a message to me through my online business saying he is just so hurt and upset and just not READY to kiss and makeup again.

Which is something I am really angry to hear. Not angry that he is "making me wait" but that he has done SO MANY horrible and hurtful things and I feel I am being manipulated to try and get me to believe that it was ME who was so terrible.

He went back to blocking me, too.

wtf all of this blocking crap?

Is this commom behavior? Do all of you go around blocking people?


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because I am not attracted to the man and I cannot turn off my own feelings and go after someone else.

More than reasonable and very healthy

however ditch the rotten apple

Is this commom behavior? Do all of you go around blocking people?

Well yes I do, but that it does not include my WH. It generally includes his crazy hick family and my psychopath family. And ofcourse the OWs

ofcourse it's not normal to block your loved one

He went back to blocking me, too.

wtf all of this blocking crap?

I'm sorry I really don't understand, why you are still with him. I'm sure you feel there is a very good reason but I feel like it would of been articulated by now.

The blocking and your still attachment to him reminds me of my 'boyfriend' when I was thirteen and fourteen. He used to block me all the time but I "really really likkkeeee him"

Now I'm sure you don't describe your feelings like thirteen and fourteen year old, but unfortunately he is still behaving like one and you are still taking him back.

Now you are older than that and I would hope that somewhere along the line you would feel that you deserve more and act upon that.

If he refuses to better himself, if he refuses to implement changes etc etc

well there's nothing left for you to work with

"there's only one thing worse than staying in a relationship for______ and ____"


it's staying for one more day


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am acting upon it. I am stepping back to detach so I can function and leaving him to his blocking and silent treatments alone. If I actually wanted to talk to him, I could get around his blocking, but basically I don't want to feed into what I regard is stupid hurtful behavior.

As for him changing.. well there have been a lot of changes on his part. Except THIS which is what he does when he gets into a massive rage. Which hasn't happened for 6 months. His wig out isn't what actually gets to me, what gets to me is the extended "silent treatment" afterwards, then the attempt to convince me I have victimized him.

Someone else posted a thread with a link about cognative dissonance. I went and listened to the story on NPR. I think there is a lot of merit for it in my situation. So I am thinking about it.

I personally do not go around blocking people who aren't harrassing me. Even if I AM mad at them. I tend to just let it go.

[This message edited by Kalliopeia at 8:19 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I actually wanted to talk to him, I could get around his blocking, but basically I don't want to feed into what I regard is stupid hurtful behavior.

this is fantastic :)

what gets to me is the extended "silent treatment" afterwards, then the attempt to convince me I have victimized him.

You know, I was thinking about this and when I signed up to SI. Everyone told me to leave my WH. I had an arsehole who made me do his university assignments so we didn't get into further debt. He was violent. Never spoke to me about his feelings. Spat on me, chocked me etc etc. Refused to work

And ofcourse the cheating

Your sign up date was March 2012, I am not sure if this was your dday but we'll take it that it is

My Violent dday was September 23 2012, (although there was all the other signs of DV that year) Cheating dday was October 4,8

Since May of this year
-> no more physical DV
-> no silent treatment
-> now has two jobs whilst studying his masters (and now I don't work because he wanted me to 'recover')
-> although I still help him greatly with his writtens he does 70% of the work instead of 0%
-> no porn
-> no cheating
-> no more 'poor me'

However
-> whilst he is working on his bad thoughts of imagening girls naked they do happen on average twice a day
-> we did have a verbal dv about a week ago but all factors considering I've moved on (because he was very sorry)

In the however section I can live with those two things, it took me a really long time to accept that the naked girls and an occasional verbal crap will happen. But the only thing that has gotten me through that is he wants to change he does the effort and above all he talks to me about it so we can work through it together.

I think maybe you should do a list in your head or on paper and really take stock of what is going on. I could not of accepted any of these if he didn't recognise he had to change for the betterment of our relationship.

You deserve much more. I could understand truly if this was June 2012 but it's not. I think you're right to 180 him because you can't will someone to change or have empathy for your feelings.


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 65
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

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