My other thoughts I think are tied into this "fantasy". Last week he came to our DS tennis match and he walked up to me and told me I looked nice. Huh? Why pay me a compliment? Now I always make sure that if I know he is going to be at an event that I look good - I do not want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that I'm miserable without him. Truthfully I'm not and feel more relieved each day.
The other weird thing was right before we split we had hired a personal trainer to work out with both of us. He immediately cut me out of our cell phone plan and stuff so I figured the gym and trainer were gone too. He told me a week or so ago that he would keep paying for it if I used it. I reached out to the trainer and got something set up for me. He texted me the other day and told me he hoped I had a great work out with the trainer. Huh, again?
Why would he start being nice to me like this? What is up his sleeve?
Anyone else have situations like this?
Anything he is doing is to assuage his own guilt. They all seem to do this - buttering you up so you'll play nice in the D.
Focus on working with your L to get what you are entitled to. Do it know whilst his guilt is still fresh - before he goes feral on you. They all do once they realise we're not going to roll over or play nice to keep the peace anymore.
Right now you are in the midst of the dreaded 'what ifs' - very, very common.
I spent a lot of time there and it was hell. I felt like I was spinning around in a washing machine not knowing which way was up.
Read and re-read NC / 180. These are both essential as you begin the long and painful process of detaching from him. Only with detachment will you find peace.
((Phoenix9572)) I remember the confusion well. I spent far too long wondering WTF he was doing, up to, thinking, feeling.. etc. Time to turn that energy into taking care of you, your needs, taking charge of your healing.
Please, don't get stuck in this place too long. It is crazy making.
I had to remind him several times that we left the entire zip code of him treating me "decent" a long while back. A long, longgg while back. He didn't appreciate the reminder.
As others have said, this is crazy making stuff if you let it get to you. I know it feels good on the surface, but don't forget what it truly is underneath: just another type of manipulation. He is feeling guilty, which is not the same as true remorse. Remorse is regret over the way he made you feel. Guilt is regret over the way HE is now feeling. Any response or appreciation you show makes him feel better about himself. That's what he wants. Don't give it to him.
NC, NC, NC.
You can do it!
Right now is harder than it looks. ~ Van Halen
The Gnat has also tried the "nice, generous guy" BS to alleviate some of his guilt too. I left for the summer and returned to fresh cut flowers in vases all over the house (he had already moved out, but was doing done baby proofing for me). I just rolled my eyes and never even mentioned them. I kept them for a couple of days for dd 's sake as she was excited about them. I then pitched them. As if some fresh flowers were going to make up for the fact that he destroyed our family and discarded us like trash.