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Newest Member: northeasternarea (43214)

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User Topic: 8 months out
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello SI-land,

Just checking in after a few months away from the boards. Sad to see the number of users well over 40K. Sigh.

As my title says, I'm about 8 months out. Working on R. My WH is still in IC, and likely will be for a long time. No major revelations, just a broken person. It is a shame, we make a really good team in a lot of ways, that he wasted time on all the cheating and lying.

I have mostly good days now. I do have periods where I still hate him, deeply. We haven't started MC because I'm concerned that my deep hatred will be unproductive, and he still has more work to do in IC. I do see it in our mid-range future. After 3 or so months of wanting to spray him with bleach, our sex life is back to near-normal, and I was fortunate to not have mind movies or any of the other things I've seen people deal with on SI.

Do I trust him? No, despite the transparency. Will I ever? Maybe. Do I love him? Yes...but not like before, and I suspect I will never completely love him again. Is it still worth being together? Yes. I do love him, and I love our children, and no one could replace that. But, I will not hesitate to divorce him if I ever suspect any infidelity again.

So, for those of you in the early days, it gets better. It really does. I lost 10 lbs I didn't need to, could barely eat, felt like I was in a fog for the first month or two. And it cleared, and I'm back to highly functioning. Hang in there.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the update. I'm glad that things are improving

We haven't started MC because I'm concerned that my deep hatred will be unproductive

So what steps are you taking to work through this deep hatred?


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49756 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My own IC, time, and lots of deep breathing.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad that you aren't forgetting about your healing too.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49756 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Topic Posts: 4

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