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User Topic: I threw out my pants
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Literally. Not because I lost or gained weight but because a specific type of pants that I have were a trigger! Who woulda thought pants would be a trigger? Makes me sound kinda looney

They were a trigger because: they are the same type of pants (same style, cut and colour) that OW wore to my daughters bday party a few years ago. Anyway I didn't realize this until I started wearing them and they looked...familiar. Then I started flashing back to the day of the party and remembered that SHE wore pants just like that (I even have her in a pic wearing them). Everytime I wore them, I thought of her, then the A and triggered...HARD. Goodbye pants, you looked good but aren't worth my mental health. (Now I must be crazy...I'm saying goodbye to pants! )


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 277 | Registered: Aug 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8984 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not looney, sweetie, if you are, I am too...

OW and I were friends in the past and wore the same fragrance...after everything went to shit, I threw out a brand new, $90 bottle of that fragrance and have never worn it since.


Me - 48; FWH - 50
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
4yo GS & 14 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4812 | Registered: May 2007
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have skirt I can't wear because it is a style that she wears. Can't decide if I will reclaim it or not, but it reminded me of her even when I bought it.


me - BS (45)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"An affair is more akin to a mental illness than a relationship."

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1346 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Rella
♀ Member
Member # 21136
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear you made the connection & acted on it. A trigger can be anything... a song, a sound, a smell, a date, an event, a location.... nothing about a trigger is looney.

(((Hugs))),
Rella


Happily Divorced- final in Oct. 2009, Engaged to my True Love in Dec. 2012

When his family jokingly tells you of how "spoiled" HE was as a child, RUN- It doesn't change when they get older!


Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New England
CatchyUsername
♀ Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to donate a fantastic new dress because it was too similar to something I saw her in once.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Jun 2013
ShatteredLove00
♀ New Member
Member # 40830
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not my clothes, but I had to throw out some of my WH's clothes. All the new clothes he bought for the business trip where he ended up cheating on me.

We're still early in the process (1 month) so I don't know what the future holds for us, but I am a very frugal person and normally it would be almost impossible for me to throw out good clothes - and $400 went into the trash 2 weeks after they were purchased. :(

He had also brought back gifts for our 1 year old that he bought on the trip. Those he cried about when I threw them away. He said that he bought them to make himself feel less like a terrible father for betraying the family. I felt that it was a disgusting thing to give a baby a toy bought during the period he betrayed the family.

[This message edited by ShatteredLove00 at 1:46 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


Me: BS (29) Him: SAWH (30)
HS Sweethearts, WAS each other's 1st/onlys. 1 child & 8 months pregnant when he hired prostitute/confessed.
D-Day: September 1, 2013
Shocked, disgusted, and struggling.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
JKL Vikings
♂ Member
Member # 32094
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi stronger.
WH treading respectfully.
You aren't looney at all. The Alpha Female (my wife) saw a teddy bear that OW had given L(my youngest son). She said she wanted it gone. It went out in the next morning's trash.


Her- Alpha Female 40
Me-FWH 41
Married since '02, together since 2000
D-day 2/10/2009
3 sons- J- born Oct 2001
K- born Sept. 2005
L- born Apr. 2008
We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference

Posts: 508 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas, TX
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH hell that isn't looney. I would follow that up with burning those suckers up, and throwing the pic in with it. That's not even loony.

Loony is still wearing them, and pushing that shit down.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love the title...

You're not crazy.

Here's crazy -- soon after DDay I went out and bought shoes like the MCOW wore(totally not my style). My H had remarked to her, kind of a joke but kind of not, how much he liked her wild sexy shoes.

Ugh. I finally yanked the wild, sexy heels off those things and trashed them.

eta, I shoulda stabbed him with the heels, they were POINTY. Oh well, opportunity lost!

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 11:26 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Sep 2012
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luckily, OW dressed just like FWH's mother, so no need to lose any of my wardrobe!


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 19 years
DS-18, DD-14
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Aug 2010
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent! Now go buy yourself some sweet new pants!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6167 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucky for me OW is a dyke that looks like a boy so thankfully I don't need to throw any of my clothes out! :)

Saying that I have changed a lot of my clothes and bought myself some nice new ones since S.

Though if I did have any clothes that looked like its I wouldn't think twice about binning then!


Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to throw out all of my John Deere t-shirts.

Oh, wait.

I never owned any!

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21011 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can understand that. :(

Unfortunately, I know all too well how triggers that seem loony to everyone else make complete and total sense when you are living it.

Hang in there. Don't he too harsh on yourself. You have a right to feel like you look awesome in any pants/shirt you wear. If you think of the OW- those pants need to go!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2013
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. These comments are making my day!

JKL Vikings

The Alpha Female (my wife) saw a teddy bear that OW had given L(my youngest son). She said she wanted it gone. It went out in the next morning's trash.

^^^This is awesome. Glad you threw it out! I would want it gone too.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 277 | Registered: Aug 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cut my hair and make it as curly as possible, keep my nails really short. Crazy but these things about me were triggering me!!!

I needed to be as different as possible.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stronger - thank you and everyone else posting on this! My FWH has several shirts that mysteriously appeared during his affair - and I hate them! I thought that I was being silly but you guys are right! They went in the donation bag just now and I will never have to look at them and wonder again!


Me - 59
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I certainly understand the need to get rid of anything that is a trigger, but does it all have to go into a landfill? Couldn't it be donated?

The environmentalist in me, wouldn't even let me burn the F ing sheets. I donated them. Anyone getting used sheets knows what occurred on thwm doesn't matter with whom! OM's BW did break all the dishes my WW gave to them. I was OK with this as it was very therapeutic. I did find a sign OM's daughter had made for WW, wishing her good luck in an event. I burned it for here and emailed her a picture of the ashes. Also left them on the grill and made WW clean it up.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'm the insane one. I lost 50 pounds since DDay. I not only took back MY style I've emulated some of hers as my own too. Yes, it's viscous and quite possibly petty, but I *AM* the total package, and I want WH to remember that!


Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
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