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User Topic: OW works with WH and now hes asking to carpool a female
suposd2btheonly1
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Frustrated  Posted: 6:45 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH had an A with a young co worker. For the last 6 months he has been carpooling with a male friend from work. They always use our vehicle but split gas. So now his friend is asking if they can add this other co worker (a female) to the carpool bc it would make the gas cheaper on everyone. WH is telling me that this girl is unattractive, trying to make me feel better. Until I found out about the A according to WH everyone at his job was weird and unattractive and much older than us. I am not comfortable with this. He says that if he says no hes afraid his friend will just start riding with this girl and then our transportation bill will be high again (his job is about 45 mins each way). Doesn't make sense to me bc either way his friend is paying for half the gas in someones vehicle. WH says his friend just doesn't have the money to pay half the gas anymore. If this girl doesnt ride with them and friend rides with her hes still paying half the gas.

I asked WH how he even thought that this was even something appropriate to ask my opinion of. Really? For all I know this girl could just be another notch on his belt post marriage


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Safeguard
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Sounds like Your WH really wants to push this through.

His "friend" would really bail on their carpool arrangement, if he can't include this chick from work in the deal?

If so/(or if your WH is exaggerating the dire consequences of saying "No" to the new carpoolee), than one of these guys wants this woman in the car WAY too much!

Just my two cents...

[This message edited by Safeguard at 6:58 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Not on any planet would I be ok with this. You are not either - why is it even being discussed? Not meant to be rude - just asking.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
suposd2btheonly1
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess his friend is having money problems and is really wanting to carpool bc his car is having issues. The other co worker has a smaller car (Hs car is an SUV) so the gas would be cheaper. H asked bc his friend asked him and H told friend that given the circumstances he would have to ask me. Of course I said no freaking way! Now my workplace is his first stop on his way home so I can verify that its just him or him and his friend in the car. I'm the first major business into our town and we live all the way on the other side so the timing wouldn't add up if he tried anything stupid. Also I work in surveillance so I can watch him come and go for a very long way.....

I just couldn't believe that he would even think he needed to ask me. The answer should have been no way dude, considering whats going on with the W and me I cant even consider this. Before this they had an older lady carpooling with them. It was one day, I found out that night, and I was okay with that. But I am by no means okay with it now.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be okay with it either.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To me this would depend on a lot of factors including how remorseful your H is for his A. We cannot completley control them, and limiting them to no women in the car they carpool in, especially if there is another man there too, seems over the top. I probably would not make a big deal of it myself, but then again it would depend on circumstances and details of the A that he did have.

My H got a new job soon after the A ended. I was so thrilled to find there were NO women at his new job! This went on for a few months and then one the bosses hired his DD at the job! And then the next thing you know, the boss asked my H to give his DD a ride to work (since we live in the same area)! I did not like that one bit and H was not thrilled about it either. He assured me she was "just a kid" but I assured him that "these kids" (in her 20's) have minds of their own and I don't put anything past them. Still, the repsonsibility to keep strict boundaries was on my H regardless of anything she did. I did not like it but we both felt it better not to make waves about why my H should not give this "kid" a ride to work on occasion.


Posts: 5745 | Registered: Apr 2006
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Your H is pushing too hard on this. I'd cut back in some other areas: groceries, cable, eating out, hair, nails...anything to make this issue go away. A little too convenient for me and a little too hard of a sell.

Either your H or the other guy has the hots for this co-worker, you can bet the farm on that one.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 524 | Registered: Apr 2009
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No absolutely no...
Tell him to start driving...Better than being with another woman..tell him he has to budget and you guys spend less money elsewhere
This is a deal breaker.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Card
♂ Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either your H or the other guy has the hots for this co-worker, you can bet the farm on that one.

As a FWS, my bet's on this!


Just say no and leave it at that!

Personally, I'd never agree to let a FWS stay in a job where their AP works either, but hey, if you don't mind it, in your H's eyes, what's a car ride with another woman.


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very simple.

No. Hell no.
I'll say it again - fuck that noise.

He can never have relationships with the opposite sex unless it is approved by the M. I don't give a crap about the circumstances and neither do you.

He made his bed.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having read a number of posts where a BS is considering basing their decisions on whether a potential threat is ugly or chubby, you get what you deserve. Those that are comforted because a potential rival is unattractive and those that are threatened by a potential rival that is attractive are both entitled to endure their respective demons.


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having read a number of posts where a BS is considering basing their decisions on whether a potential threat is ugly or chubby, you get what you deserve. Those that are comforted because a potential rival is unattractive and those that are threatened by a potential rival that is attractive are both entitled to endure their respective demons.

I'm sorry I don't quite understand. You're saying that because her husband is saying that she is unattractive, and she may find that comforting that she has to 'suck it up'?

If that is the case... I don't think that's very fair.
Her husband committed infidelity that's the end of the story. Full stop.

It's now up to her to negotiate what's acceptable or not. Or to put her foot down


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Precisely.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well I completely disagree, people are only human and you're being unnecessarily harsh. She's only been on this site for less than a month and I'd hazzard a guess that her DDAY was very recent.

If she takes small comfort out of anything than that's fine. Things aren't black and white

good luck LeopoldB

Hope you're okay suposd2btheonly1 :)

[This message edited by lauren123 at 8:32 PM, October 5th (Saturday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just FYI
The OW was short fat and ugly. That didn't stop my WH from getting involved. Sometimes those women know what to say or like this OW just had sex and without condoms..
She was an easy whore


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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