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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The last time I see her
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.” ~Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It

This is a beautiful response!

I have come to realize in the short time since dday that every response from me leads to a one-up from my WW. There is no closure. She has to get the last word because it is my fault...the last one was that I need perspective because she is dying and I'm not...basically I'm not sympathetic to her cancer and she should be able to do anything she wants.

You will not get closure by poking her at your closing. As you pull away from the curb you will see the "its's his fault!" bumper sticker in your rear-view.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2013
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed. I understand the desire and good heartedness from your end, but the yield will be nothing but painful. Even "You never deserved this" can/will be followed up with blameshifting. Ask me how I know

The truth I had to come to was that it's all water underneath a bridge I burned, never gonna recross. And then the realization hit that I tend to err on the side of naivety...

Be your own hero, sunsets. There is no explanation worthy of further pain and giving her access to your emotions. Just mow that grass, walk the fuck away, and don't look back.


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate all the advice. I have a lot to think about. I have the blessing of time but it's running out here. I admire all of your strength and will take your experience into account. FWIW I have changed my mind about one "last goodbye". Reality is settling in.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wise and brave choice.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sunsets))))
FWIW I have changed my mind about one "last goodbye". Reality is settling in.
Reality has a way of doing that. You sound very strong and thoughtful, sunsets. These last few steps of the D process are full of potholes. Be gentle with yourself and allow for the roller coaster to start up again - it's a sneaky little bastard.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25697 | Registered: Aug 2011
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's all happening so fast most days I'm strong. I've been exceedingly nice to her and it's taking a toll on me. But she's so close to the edge I have to protect my assets. If she flakes on the mortgage then I'm screwed. If she fails in her attempt to refi the house I'm stuck. I just want to be done and out and start over. I'm taking another trip to FL to see friends in a couple of weeks. Good for the soul.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've thought this often, sunsets, that the answers I don't have are what linger in mind.

However, if I attempted what you're possibly strategizing here, I would get more lies or rearrangements of the truth.

It's my two cents to add that the truth they have to give us is their "truth" and colored by what happened to them, so it probably will not match our truth and...may hurt more or add more confusion.

Closure can come from other sources but we have to recognize it. The X's are not on our side, not our friends, they do not have our backs. I know you've probably heard that over and over but it helps me to remember.

The closure is in the papers you sign and in moving to that beach and noodling through the gulf again, or whichever place you choose.

The ideas on your thread about the glasses are good ones and sometimes symbolism does help.

I'll add that I admire your chance to go where your heart takes you.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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