So sorry you are here honey. You've found a wonderful place with great people who will support and guide you.
Your post jumped out at me right away because my H pulled the same thing, believe it or not. Outrageous stories of danger and intrigue, he fashions himself a regular Tony Soprano. Don't buy it for one minute. It's all a cover designed to deflect you and keep you off balance. He thinks if you're all wound-up trying to solve these other mysteries, you won't focus on the real meat of the matter - the fact that he had an affair. Also, the dark mystery allows him cover to continue the A if he chooses.
My advice is to ignore this *story* and stay focused only on the A and your marriage. Has it ended? Is he NC? Don't worry about keeping him safe, or protecting him - worry about keeping YOU safe and protecting YOU.
Keep coming here for support, so many of us have been there and understand.
I read your profile, and some other posts, and from that, it sounds like he may be just bullshitting you in order to buy time to get his ducks in a row to leave.
See a lawyer, do the 180, and forget this crap about working on R. Based on what I have read in your other posts, he expects YOU to change everything, and he's giving YOU one last chance...? FUCK him sweetie. Your daughter has it figured out and refuses to have anything to do with him...you need to follow her lead.
This is a totally cruel and remorseless man. Kick him to the curb.
I am sorry.
[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 6:55 AM, October 4th (Friday)]
He went on to say that if he sat down and really told me everything, how he felt and everything he knew about me and people in my family and so on that it would devastate me and destroy many lives and he could do it legally
This would be called distraction.
Using your concern and love for your family as fuel to hold you hostage is a common tactic.
He added the twist to make himself the long tortured secret keeper. A secret you never knew & he kept because of his awesomeness. You find out just in time to be told... YOUR TURN. I did so great at keeping the deep dark secrets you don't even know about, you can keep my little old OW secret...
I am concerned that he can't keep his lies and stories straight and is scrambling to find, something, anything to keep his cake.
He should have thought of that before he went out and fucked a whore.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I would call his bluff. Expose everything! He chose to cheat and bring somebody else into your marriage, YOUR TURN! Let it all leak out and see what you get. It sounds like he's deflecting to keep the real truth from coming out with all this espionage shit. You wouldn't believe the bull my WH was giving me! I guess they think we're stupid or something.
IF he is still working with the OP, he NEEDS to find another job.... PERIOD. But think very hard about this, do you want it to work out? Is it worth it? Only you can answer these questions, you may find that when it comes down to it... she can have him. Good luck!
Default Posted: 12:11 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008 View P
It sounds like he is trying to bully you into keeping his secret. Keep it if you want, but if you don't then tell it. If it would make you feel better to discuss things with someone, you should. Because honestly, your wh is being a jerk. He doesn't deserve to get what he wants just because he says so or because he threatens you.
He is going to drive you crazy if he keeps making up these stories to try and control you. Take care of yourself.