I'm NOT ready for him to be in there. I'm still at the screaming at him calling him every name in the book stage, the almost suicidal phase, the how the hell am I ever going to get over this phase, the I'm a worthless piece of shit phase, I'm STUPID for believing in marriage phase, the WHO THE HELL am I married to phase, the HE DID A LOT OF THIS TO GET BACK AT ME, LOOK AT THE DATES HE HAD SEX phase, I could go on but you get the idea.
He's still getting frustrated and yelling back at me. He's still threatening to leave but then realized if he did I would lose my health insurance and die. I asked him to sleep in my son's room, he does not mind at all to sleep on the couch until I feel comfortable having him near me. He now has told me he either sleeps in our bedroom or he's out. Which means I'm dead.
I'm NO WHERE near reconciliation, I'm still trying to get the rest of the truth out of him that I KNOW he is keeping from me. He swears he has told me everything, if I told you HOW MANY TIMES HE HAS SWORN AND LIED, well I DON'T believe him. I know threatening to fuck guys near his birthday (like he did to me) or near or on our anniversary (like he did to me) or near mother's day (like he did to me) is mean, but that's how I feel right now. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. I WANT HIM TO GET IT and I don't see that he does. I've made advances to him, asking him just to hold me "he's not in the mood." I know we have other shit going on, but it's about me right now, isn't it? Am I supposed to put my feelings aside and take care of his?
PLEASE HELP ME!
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth.
I don't know your whole story, but have you consulted a divorce attorney? If not, there may be ways to address the insurance coverage, so you don't go without. What about anxiety medication? Have you consulted a doctor about that? It may help you right now if you aren't already on it.
"Some of us don't see people how they are but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
Yes I'm on xanax and going to take more
I'm sorry that you have to be in that situation.
ETA: Depending on the medication, there are also ways to obtain it for free through assistance programs from the pharma company. Don't discount this as a possibility, and it is something that you can look into ahead of time.
[This message edited by ontheslope at 8:02 PM, October 4th (Friday)]
She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.
I really think he just wants me to leave, but I'm not going to make it that easy on him. If he leaves, that's it, it's final. I will file on Monday. I will not be bullied or coersed into saying something that isn't true. I'm glad I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Hopefully she will give me some skills to get over this. Thanks for your help in this.
NO YOURE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!!!
Im having some of the same issues with my WH, hes still in the defensive, I dont want to talk any longer, stop asking me all these questions but I still want to save our marriage phase.
Im in the same phase that you are.
I hope that one day they get it and just start trying and stop being such a cry baby.
We didn't have the A, we didn't betray them, we didn't take out marriage vows with a grain of salt and throw them in the gutter.
Do people even stop to think anymore, or are we all programmed for instant gratification? Fuck the cost to the people we steamroll, it is after all about ME! For the life of me, how you can do this to your marriage is BEYOND anything I can comprehend at this point. I think anybody can talk themselves into anything and giving justification to it is easy. The questions are should you? Do you know what the difference is between right and wrong? Does it even cross your mind for a moment that with your selfishness and need for whatever it is your after really worth risking a marriage? Kid's respect? Families respect? Friends respect? I think ALL BS should shout it from the rooftop. I don't CARE if he's shamed for the rest of his life, it was HIS choice, not mine.
Do you honestly want him to only stay with you for health insurance purposes? The man keeps saying he wants to leave, so let him. Stop begging him and guilting him into staying. You don't want any man who feels obligated to stay with you but clearly lets you know how much he hates being there. My God, you deserve better than that - ANYONE does.
You need to call a lawyer TODAY.
Stop the insanity and stop making assumptions about the health insurance until you talk to someone who can give you the real answers to your questions. At least with a little actual knowledge under your belt, you can then make rational decisions and not fear-based one.
Please. Call a lawyer now.
So I was worried about that, not dying without him, hell no! I'd be alright, I guess just have to let go of the dreams I had for us.
You need to dial back the extreme black & white thinking. You need to stop making the situation a life or death catastrophe.
You absolutely CAN have health insurance as part of a divorce settlement. Be prepared to give something else up to get it, though.
I am losing my health insurance when my divorce is over. I, too, need medications to live. I have talked with my pharmacy, they have a special program for people in my situation. They will work with me. I've also contacted the hospital. They have a charity program for people like me. They will allow me to apply for it. I'm also told that I may be able to qualify for the Obamacare program.
My point is, there are options out there for women in our situation. They require a lot of pride to be swallowed and for a change in how life ought to be. But there are options.
Your first step needs to be to consult with a couple of attorneys. Also, talk to your doctor about your situation. Doctors know what's available and generally do want their patients to live.
Take this one step at a time. Your first step needs to be to consult with a couple attorneys.