Topic: just found underground phone. What do I do?
Member # 32211
| Posted: 7:20 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013|
It's normal to 2nd guess yourself. I just cleared out WS hidden bank account and I 2nd guessed myself the whole way. I almost put the $ back and it would have been the stupidest thing I could have done, done only out of fear. Fear of what? That he might cheat? Bwahahaha ummm...he's all ready doing that.
Anyways, keep the phone and act stupid. He may say, "hey I was charging my old phone have you seen it?" OR "Joe from work gave me his work phone to fix have you seen it I need to give it back; joe is freaking out".
Don't fall for it. You are doing great! Keep your cool, and hopefully someone can help with breaking the code. I will say that sometimes I take photos without unlocking my phone and I find my phone ends up unlocked after. Maybe try that but just know if you can't unlock the phone those photos will be there so make sure the photos are of something really obscure.
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 33867
| Posted: 8:16 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013|
He may not ask you where it is, he may just use the find my phone app, if he has set it up.
I lost my phone a few days ago, thought it was left at the supermarket, used find my phone and was able to located it in my house.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 36041
| Posted: 8:27 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013|
You can hire a private computer specialist to help you get in. I did this. When my husband committed suicide I paid someone to open up his iphone and his computers. It can be done. I have done it.
White bird must fly or she will die . . .
Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Member # 36307
| Posted: 12:19 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
If you take the iPhone to your friends house, can your H trace its location using. "Where is my iPhone". I'm not tech savy, but if he locates the phone by that method he will know you know.
BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
Posts: 623 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 18606
| Posted: 12:55 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
At one point, I discovered a secret phone. I wanted to see if WH was still seeing OW. So I called the carrier (AT&T) and with his social security number and by disquising my voice to sound male, I was able to change the billing address (his parent's house) and have the phone bill sent to our home. What a surprise it was when I got the bill and had a record of all the calls with the OW.
SO....if you have a male friend and your husband's social security number, you might be able to go into the Apple store and get it unlocked. Also you might be able to go onto Apple.com and with his ID answer security questions (mother's maiden name? etc.?) and change his apple password so you can get into it.
Married >7 years, together ~9 years
Discovered affair - March 11, 2003
Filed for divorce - March 31, 2003
Divorced - May 5, 2003 (waived 90 day waiting period)
New Job - May 12, 2003
Bought Own Home - May 6, 2003
Adopted a baby girl!-August 2006
Posts: 1253 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Oregon
Member # 23987
| Posted: 1:10 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
There are lots of YouTube videos for how o get around the pass code ... Here is one
Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
Member # 40639
| Posted: 1:40 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
Can't say strongly enough, be careful. Too many unsuccessful tries may wipe it. If it updates operating system (a new os just came out),it'll wipe the deleted info which can sometimes be recovered. And he may be able to track it and find it. I wouldn't get a friend involved, I'd take it to an attorney's office for safekeeping. If you do get it unlocked, you can recover some deleted info if the memory hasn't been overwritten. Be careful.Best Wishes!
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 37439
| Posted: 2:34 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
i second the tracking of the phone and the ability to wipe externally.
check out the videos they generally work :)
OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.
Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 34823
| Posted: 3:03 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
"phone? What phone? WTF are you talking about *some* phone? WTH are YOU doing?"
If he wants to be *jerk* enough to have a 2nd phone....then YOU need to be *jerk* enough to completely deny that you have it. (bad thing is, though, that if it's an iphone.....can't he *wipe it* remotely if he set up that feature?)
OR you could just confront him with it and demand that he give you the passcode for it RIGHT NOW......(then all the cards are on the table)
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Posts: 8111 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35799
| Posted: 3:39 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
Just a thought - if it is his old phone, did he get a new number when his work replaced his phone? If he got a new number maybe he hasn't changed his number on the old phone. If so ring it yourself and answer the call to get into it.
BS: 47 (me)
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'
Posts: 728 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
Member # 39588
| Posted: 5:54 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
On our old iPhone 4's all you had to do was hold in the power button and home button at the same time for like 4 minutes to get around the passcode. Not sure about the new phones though.
Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 10
| Posted: 6:16 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
A general reminder for all. Investigative advice and tips belong in the Itips forum, which you can access with 51 legitimate posts and an upgrade to a premium membership. Thank you.
Posts: 10004 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 1224
| Posted: 6:41 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013|
He may say, "hey I was charging my old phone have you seen it?" OR "Joe from work gave me his work phone to fix have you seen it I need to give it back; joe is freaking out".
Yeah, tell him then why hide it under the couch to charge it?? Smells fishy.
But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h
Posts: 620 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 36888
| Posted: 9:15 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013|
TURN IT OFF!!! Until you have a way to keep it off the cell networks keep it turned off!!! I know lots of exclamation points and caps, but he can use find my iphone to make it beep make noise, show it on a map, whatever. Yes he probably won't do it while you aren't around but can do it when you are out of the house. Also it will prevent him from remote wiping it!
Posts: 214 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 29142
| Posted: 1:02 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
A friend of mine locked herself out of her phone a few years ago. Not sure if they changed it, but all she had to do was plug it into the computer where it was registered and it unlocked. Not sure if you can get away with doing that at your place, though.
Him: WXH DDay-11/22/2009~ D~ 10/25/10
OWhore: Co-worker (7 years younger)
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." AND THEY DID!!!
Posts: 1141 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Maryland
Member # 40903
| Posted: 1:18 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
Don't feel guilty! You did the right thing. I found out about my BF betrayal by logging in to his email and guessed his pw on the 2nd try. He tried to make me feel guilty for invading his privacy. I'm surprised he hasn't asked you if you have seen it which makes me wonder if he reported it missing and had the number switched to a new 2nd phone.
Me: BW, 37
Him: SO, 37
Committed relationship 13 years
Dday: July, 2012
Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 21101
| Posted: 1:33 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
OK so you found a hidden phone, so you know he is being dishonest. What more do you NEED to know? He is lying.
Personally, I would gift wrap the MF'r, and have it and all his shit sitting on the front porch for him. You need to play hardball. You will not nice him into being good, you won't save your M by rugsweeping, and hoping all is well when OW leaves town.
Many of us who have successfully R'd were able to do so because we did risk it all. Kicked them out, filed for D, whatever. It usually takes something very significant like that for the WS to wake the hell up.
So I would gift wrap it, with an overnight bag, and a card that simply states. I am done, I have given you a gift of trying to save our M, you have ruined it, with proof of continued lies and betrayals. The locks have been changed, and You will hear from my Attorney. IF he really wants to save his M, this will be the kick in the butt he needs to know you are quite serious, and are going to demand the respect you deserve.
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy
Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 27650
| Posted: 2:48 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
tushnurse makes good points.
You need to play hardball. You will not nice him into being good,
I too am a strong believer that you cannot nice people back into the M. You know he is lying. You do not need to know what is or is not on the phone, just assume that your worst thoughts are true. You do not need to play games with him about missing phones either. Instead of you finding proof of his cheating, make it his responsibility to find ways to prove that he is NC, done with his A, and that he loves you and wants to be M to you. HE can figure out how to be transparent and prove he is where he says he is and that he is not still flirting with his OW co-worker.
If he wants to keep working with his AP, have a secret phone to stay in contact with his AP away from work, not talk to you about how he was wrong and how he will change, well then he really has told you all you need to know.
LTA FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing
Posts: 4140 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 39670
| Posted: 4:34 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
How awful, I am so sorry. Have you been able to get into it yet?
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40630
| Posted: 9:38 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013|
I second everything "tushnurse" said.
Or it will not stop!!!
Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"
Posts: 219 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
|Topic Posts: 43|