He was remorseful and was doing all of the right things (NC the OW, offered to leave his job)... for about three days. Then he started getting defensive and cruel, calling it "honesty." I 180ed.

By week 3 post DDay, I figured out that he had taken the A underground. When I found out, he got verbally and emotionally abusive. Started saying he wanted me to get a sublet, etc.

I NCed him on the spot. I haven't spoken to him since.

... AND IT HAS BEEN HELL.

I wish to God he hadn't been so unremorseful and forced my hand. The hell of S/D and NCing the man I love and my bestfriend-- and facing that I'm never going to have the life I though I had again, the children I wanted, etc-- it's agony.

Another SIer told me it's like pulling yourself out from the brink of death. I think that's about right.

So I get it if you stayed. In fact, this shit is so hard, I don't know how people leave, short of a case like mine where I refused to be abused.

My husband had a ONS. I think the thing that allowed me to give him a second chance is that he started trying to fix things before I found out. He called his sponsor and was attending AA every day. He was better to me than he had been in years - as a husband, as a father.

Maybe I've deluded myself with the details - though I've treated it from DDay as him having sex, because they would have if he could have, but he couldn't. Maybe I'm deluding myself that he can change, but his changed drastically in the past 3 months.