"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
Your DDAy is so new that ther eis no answer, you are right there. Hopefully he is doing all he can to reassure you of the NC. It does make it easier.
Does he have her blocked on all his media? That was huge for me, he blocked her right away.
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."
I had some of my fastest training runs fueled by hate for her. But I also started to realize that I was more betrayed by my WH, he had made vows to me, she hadn't. Of course she had made them to her BH, but that isn't my problem either. But it is easier to be mad at her than at my own WH, right? The mix of love and anger was even scarier than the pure hate and anger toward ow.
So the obsession and anger at ow eventually faded into the background and the anger at WH for his betrayal came into the forefront. I don't on know how long it will last for you, but what you described seems totally appropriate and normal at this point post d day, take care of yourself.
Block her from your lives- make it harder to search her on social media or otherwise obsess about her. And maybe limit the time you obsess about her- journal it, punch a boxing bag, run fast, etc.
Married for over 14 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
Poof. Obsession gone.
I will say however that I think running through certain scenarios (like what will you say if you see her) is actually a really good idea. This way you will be more prepared if it does happen.
But now my second antiversary (four days apart) where he confessed about main ow is tomorrow. I still think about her once a day or two days.
Can you believe that? I never thought that was possible. I was like "yeah fucking right maybe in two"
Maybe next anti-versary it will be once a week?
Hold in tight I thought I was going insane, but honestly it's natural (unless you actually 'smash her face in')
Be kind on yourself
What has helped me: knowing that I have power over her in that I could take her down (ruin her reputation on a charity board she is on, out her to her boss, etc.) but I don't. I just want her to go away and I know that the more I think about her or enacting some sort of revenge, the more power I give to her and I would rather use this energy for myself and giving myself what I need to heal.
Also meditating has helped me. There is a great talk by a neuroplasticity researcher on rewiring your brain. He talks about a simple breathing exercise you can do to clear your brain. On the inhale, you think "1;" on the exhale, you think "2." You do this for a minute...and anytime your mind wanders you return to the count on the inhale/exhale. It really helps clear your mind and retrain your brain to think less about stuff you don't want to think about. Listen to the lecture a couple of times...it's about 30 min or so. It's really fascinating science about the brain. Here is the link: http://www.thehealersjournal.com/2013/03/16/neuroplasticity-researcher-explains-how-to-rewire-your-brain/