"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
I'm UK too so on your time zone!
Mornings are so hard - are you getting enough sleep?
Are you in IC?
It does take a while for the day to "warm up", so hopefully as time goes on it will happen quicker and quicker each day for you.
All the best
The good news is that it hasn't been that way in a very long time, and the only thing on my mind this morning was whether I should go pee first or let the dog out first.
"Time" is a very hard word to hear in the beginning but it's even harder to think it may always be this way. It won't be. You will heal, and one day you will wake up happy again. And we're here for you until that day comes
For about a year or so after d-day I was the same. I would open my eyes and there was about 3 seconds that life was normal. And then I remembered.
This is exactly it for me now. In the beginning, I was remembering before my eyes were even fully open. I'd wake up, lie in bed and cry. That only really stopped a week ago. Now I wake up, have a few seconds where everything's fine, and then I realize I'm still living a bit of a nightmare, it wasn't a sick dream, and I'll be living with it for the rest of my life.
I don't think "time" is a four-letter word - I just wish it would move faster. I wish I could just be 2 years out, without having to go through the intervening processing. Of course, it doesn't work that way. But I wish it did.
7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.
First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014
It took a long time to get to that place but it felt like a huge victory.
My IC told me that keeping my hands busy, would help keep my brain from thinking about the horror of it all. She stated some brain studies that were done that prove this. I do a lot of needlework, it works.
Another thing that works...time. 3+ years out and my mind just doesn't go there 24/7 anymore.
You will heal, and one day you will wake up happy again
^^^Hard to believe but this is absolutely true!
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
But how do I cope with the mornings
That's hard. There might be some mornings where all you can do is feel it. Feel the sadness and the pain, acknowledge it, give yourself permission to mourn.
Another thing is, maybe you can make a new routine or something to look forward to in the mornings. Whether it's that you love hot chocolate, so mornings become the time of day when you drink hot chocolate. Or read a favorite book (it might be hard to even think about reading right now, I know). Find something to do in the mornings that makes you feel good, something special just for you. Or maybe a routine with your kids if you have kids.
I'm sorry. It gets easier, but it might be hard for a long time. It takes a long time to heal.
I, too, took to reading. SI in particular. It was comfortinng to know that even at 4:30 in the morning, bawling my eyes out that I was not alone in the world or my pain. It gave me strength to lift my head and take another step forward in life.