AArrgghh I have had ENOUGH of I can't remember!!!
We have been doing well in R and I am starting to believe a lot of what he has told me because he told me lots he didn't have to e.g. I clung to the fact that he had been drinking the one time they slept together but he was very clear booze was not to blame, he knew what he was doing. He told me exactly which car park they went to although he knew it would hurt as it was where he taught me to drive.
His story has never really changed once he confessed to sex and the tt ended. The only change is that he has remembered a bit more about his thoughts and feelings at the time.
So in short I believe most of what he has said, he could have changed a lot of the details to make it more palatable to me and it really fits h's weakness of avoiding confrontation and not being able to say no. He did it cos he felt he had led her on and didn't want to offend her
So that's why I am starting to believe him....BUT
He claims not to remember the content of their mammoth text sessions every night. He is really not the sexting type at all so I believe it wasn't that.If she had started doing that he would have had time to think about what he wanted and he wouldn't have wanted it cos he wasn't looking for sex just attention. NO her style was to play friends then offer him a lift but drive him round in the dark and pounce on him so he didn't have time to think.
They spent hours every day texting though and it's driving me demented that he can't remember anymore than 'one night we discussed a film' hmmmmm that doesn't account for 60 texts in one night does it!!
All in all he sent her 750 texts in 6 weeks. Every night when I went to bed they would text for hours.
He says it was unimportant banal texting and mostly one word responses from him. I only know how often he text her not how often she text him. He has admitted to being unable to not reply to her cos he was so caught up in the attention.
I know she is a textaholic cos when she tried befriending me (stupid h had his head so far up his own orifice he thought if she met me she would call off A so he gave her my number!!)she would text non stop about crap. He insists that's what their nightly chats were like. About work, tv, films,music he even sent her photos of our pets apparently. I have found these on his phone but I only have his word that that was what he actually sent her.
Can anyone really send that many texts about nothing?
She did agree with everything he said and miraculously enjoyed all the same things he did so I have some horrible idea of how the texts may have really gone. Moaning about the chores he had done that day and her telling him how he should be free to do what he wants.
I imagine the two of them snuggled up in their respective homes but basically on a 'date' every night. Sharing thoughts and histories, likes and dislikes, joking back and forth, discussing their days, saying good night and good morning. It makes me sick.
But still he insists he can't remember. He HATES me calling them his nightly dates with her but that's how I see it in the absence of any info from him. I think I know him well enough to know that 'dating' aspect would have appealed to his ego hugely.
Another reason I really don't think it was sexting is he has told me many times how he tried to stop the texting cos it was interfering with his home life (he only wanted her at work and me at home, nice eh)only to be told 'we're not doing anything wrong, just friends texting. She was very manipulative. He would put his foot down for a few days and the records show this but she would persuade him back into it and he was not strong enough to say no cos he was enjoying it. He would not have been able to convince himself it was 'harmless' texting if it was actually sexting.
So why can't he tell me the content of his texts if he can tell me what they weren't. surely he could at least remember the 17 texts on 'the morning after' but he just says they were probably saying it was a mistake.
Anyway I have just lost my rag with him at lunch and starting a texting frenzy of my own. Threatened to text him 60 times a day until his memory is jogged. Not very mature I know but he is driving me mad. He accused me of trying to find ways to dump him! and that I only looked again at the phone records to have a reason to dump him. we had sex last night ffs I just want some answers cos the thought of what they discussed is eating at me.
Maybe is should just drop it. I know I have to stop texting him and getting so angry but it's really eating at me.
I am not looking at word for word recollection more what I wrote above about the general content of the texts eg things they had in common and sharing histories etc. Surely he can remember that much! He also can't remember anything she said after they kissed or after they had sex. Pretty important convos to me! He did say they didn't discuss what they were doing, they only discussed light hearted topics and she kept him guessing and interested by refusing to discuss what was going on between them. She was very clever. From what I have wheedled out of him after the kiss he apologised said it wasn't what he wanted and she just stayed silent. They text all that night but he 'doesn't think' it was ever mentioned!
why can't he remember? Am I expecting too much?