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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: More Discoveries...Yikes
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I received a HUGE box of paperwork from his atty via my atty late last week. It was some initial financial discovery paperwork- years worth of statements for credit cards, electric bills, mortgage, etc. Also included was the retainer agreement with his atty...

So I learned that he had gotten that atty much earlier than he told me. Proving that he did in fact "Have a plan" when he told me about the A. He has been claiming, he did not "have a plan" and just needed to be honest.

I also saw lots of *stuff* reviewing the data. So, I am not surprised, and I knew there was probably more I didn't know and that a lier is a lier is a lier....but still....I was hoping he was just really stupid, not DEVIOUS as hell.

So, now I am feeling threatened. Like I need to step up my game here. Let me say...it is SOOOOO hard to play it tight to the vest vs throwing all this shit in his face.

I realize *AGAIN* or maybe *MORE SO* he really is deranged, evil, lacks any compassion. I was with this person 15 years and....It really hurts!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's really super scary when you finally see how deceptive the person was/is that you used to love, live with, and wanted to spend forever.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9665 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes ... that's scary. I just dropped of my "production of documents and things" last week and it didn't occur to me until I read your post that I would be able to go through his "production of documents and things". I don't really care that he goes through my documents. It just felt like a slap in the face to have to copy over 1,500 pages of documents.

Did you know you were going to be able to go through it? I thought that was just for the attorneys. Did you know what you were looking for? Any suggestions?

Sending you hugs as you process this information!! (((((sleepless34)))))


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its the shit you find out after they are gone that just adds to the crazy making of the situation and cuts deep.

Its hard to start truly accepting who they really are. Death of hope and dreams, just really painful.

((sleepless34))


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 729 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You learn - you adjust. Let on nothing - play it very close to the vest. The unremorseful WS makes an error thinking they know the BS, what they will do and not do - but this kind of knowledge, it can change us too. Now you could become a screaming banshee... or...

Go dark, go silent, and think strategically. You need to yell - yell here, cry - cry here, Vent - vent away. You know what the first thing I wanted to learn as part of my post D-day life...? How to play poker.

The arrogance of the unR-WS is their weakness and the presumption that they know what the BS will do. Pull up a seat - lower your cap over your eyes, don't talk to the competition -- and learn the bluff. Don't get greedy - get your share of the pot and walk away.

You can do this!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! I love the poker reference and I actually am going to learn how to play poker Saturday night! It is really all about the end game now...showing any emotions or giving away my intentions would not serve me well.

He is F**ktard and I am smarter, stronger, more resourceful and have way bigger BALLs. Sometimes I feel intimidated because he had a 16month head start, but then I remember who I am and who he is. I will crush him, so welcome to the shit show seeing as you wanted to play this game....

I HAVE gone dark, silent and analyzing the data to support a story that will either 1) help me. As much as I want to throw it in his face and bitch slap his stupid herbie the dentist head...he gets nothing but the usual *crickets.*

....insert evil laugh here...BAHAHAHAHAH.



Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is F**ktard and I am smarter, stronger, more resourceful and have way bigger BALLs. HELL YES!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO, I reviewed all the document- credit card statements, paypal, debit card- and let me just say WOW WOW WOW!

I have added up roughly 30K in "marital waste." I had to google lots of the expenses. He went to cities I didn't even know he was in, he was lying so much about so many things, it is INSANE. I am thoroughly discusted, but not shocked or even upset anymore. Just grossed out. I have no idea who he was, he just pretended to be someone else all these years. What a loser...

And here is the grand finale....it looks like all this shit started on F**King ASHLEY MADISON. How cliche. How sleezy. How nasty. If you see ADL media as an expense...that is what it F**King is....a dating website for cheaters. Great. What a pig.

I would like to go there and open a new profile for him to let him know I know....but showing my cards at this stage is not in my best interest so I am going to save this one.....

WHAT A Complete and Utter <DOUCHE>


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written your post, sleepless, though mine also has the dubious distinction of being diagnosed now as a sex addict.

We now call him the $60 Wonder because he skimmed $60 a day for years to support his womanizing, drinking, and trips. I never figured it out until we got all the bank records. Even now, two years into the divorce, I still only know the tip of the iceberg.

I never knew him at all - and I was married to him for 16 years before we separated.

Hang in there. I know that feeling of utter disbelief - and rage - and contempt. I'm sorry.


Posts: 1697 | Registered: Oct 2011
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sleepless, I am so sorry. I am going for a dissolution but if that fails I would be in your position. I just found out about my WH lending some 3rd woman money and it was the last straw for me. I can only imagine what you are going through.

I have never seen his credit card statements. He always says I can see them but never produces them.

When you say "marital waste" is that a legal term and does any of this spending getting factored into the settlement negotiations?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never seen his credit card statements. He always says I can see them but never produces them.

When you say "marital waste" is that a legal term and does any of this spending getting factored into the settlement negotiations?

Go to the file cabinet & get them. Look at them. Don't wait for him to produce them. And if your name is also on the card, you're legally entitled to your own copies.

Yes, if one can prove that the money was being spent on cheating, yes, you're entitled to half of it back.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9665 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the only reason I found out about some of the money hiding...was because one of the AP's led me to it.

My ex's MOTHER helped him open a secret back account in her name. He was taking bonus checks and depositing them in that account. I would never have found it alone.

The tip off to the AP was a plane ticket that was purchased in Ex's mother's name. Ex stupidly forwarded the confirmation of the ticket to the AP to "prove" he was coming to visit. When AP asked why his mother's name was on the ticket, ex said, "I'll explain later". Fortunately, for me, AP kept that email

That email allowed me to negotiate a downpayment on my new house.

I will never know how much he took, nor, at this point do I care. Bottom line, use that kinda information for negotiation if you can!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4142 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 12

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