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Newest Member: Everythingsucks1 (45359)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: controlled triggering in public
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H & I are taking a marriage class at church. People at church do not know about his A and I/we prefer it that way.

Last week we didn't know sex & infidelity would be the topic of the lesson until after we got there.

As soon as I heard that I thought "OK I'm going to get through this."

About half way through the class I knew I was going to lose it. So I excused myself to the bathroom, took a second to cry, got myself back together, and went back to finish the class.

On the way home my H said "I wasn't sure if you needed to use the restroom or get away."

I'm calling that a win/win.

If my H wasn't sure I needed to escape, hopefully no one else caught it.

My H was sensitive to feelings.

It opened the door for discussion not just about me, but about him also.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say Good Job to you- that must have been so very hard- but you did it!
And good job to H for reaching out like he did.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great work. I know it is extra hard in public.

Glad to hear your H picked up on what was going on.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Crazyman642
♂ New Member
Member # 40754
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish i was at that point. I am a grown man and have to fight back tears at every Sunday service we attend. Something tiggers an emotion. Question if I might. Our church of which we are new members since DDay is going to have a marriage seminar which we both want to attend. Should I reach out before and discuss our recent situation? Should we go in blind, as this is a discussion in most marriage seminars I am worried i will snap.........


ME: BS
HER: FWW
DDay #1: August 12, 2013
Two Beautiful Children 12, and 4
Married 12 years
Not sure where I am or what I am going to do.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: VA
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should I reach out before and discuss our recent situation?

Anything that gets a couple talking & understanding the needs of each other is good. Finding a way to have those needs met is a step forward.

Is an outline of the seminar available? If you know what's coming when you can mentally prepare for it, to the best of your ability at this time, better than being blindsided with it when it comes up.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in awe - I avoid Sunday morning church altogether because lots of people know and the smallest thing triggers me. :(. Great job!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Crazyman642
♂ New Member
Member # 40754
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seminar is not until Novemeber 23, so i don't know if there is an outline. i did reach out to the crisis pastor from the church. I sent an email. The affair is what finally pushed us to start attending church, so no one from the church knows. Other than my boss, (which had to be told) a fellow FreeMason I turned to for support after he asked what was wrong with me, and a couple friends that have been through the same thing (support) i haven't told anyone. Other than the thousands of people here Church is still difficult, since my children don't know I try not to let them see the tears when I sit and listen to the service. Seems to get a little hard each Sunday. Senerity Prayer, Senerity Prayer.... Might do use all a little good...


ME: BS
HER: FWW
DDay #1: August 12, 2013
Two Beautiful Children 12, and 4
Married 12 years
Not sure where I am or what I am going to do.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: VA
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did. Great job. That is super brave. And good for you WH being there for you and doing the work.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Crazyman642
♂ New Member
Member # 40754
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weekend is complete. It wasn't so much a marraige weekend, as a self reflection and how it affects your adult relationships weekend. There was some insightful stuff, and some ways to communicate better. It is a place to start that wasn't as threatening or difficult as comfronting the affair head on. We the WW and I have talked and will continue to seek out weekends and retreats to help provide us tools to work on our marriage. In the end, they are only tools it is up to her mainly, but us as a whole to work on R.

If anyone has request about IMAGO I'd be happy to answer what I can.


ME: BS
HER: FWW
DDay #1: August 12, 2013
Two Beautiful Children 12, and 4
Married 12 years
Not sure where I am or what I am going to do.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 9

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