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Newest Member: downanout (45360)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
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♂ New Member
Member # 40754
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Each, in reading your response I do try to think that maybe she is trying to get me past what I term the rage stage. Just not sure how long it will go on for. We went to our weekend workshop it is wasn't so much for marraiges, but personal reflectionsion and how theoast is affecting your current adult relationships. The weekend helped, some. I have found that she is adding a bunch of stuff to the vans audio system. I want to believe it is just innocent, but find myslef wondering if she is just tring to mask the stuff that is already there. I need to ask out right rather than left it fester. Thanks for the insight EACH, I will attempt to take it to heart.

For all others. Music and songs affect us all in different ways, but a theme is present in this case and in many discussed here. WW and I had a chat after the weekend about lying to protect my feeling or her further shame, maybe this is a good chance to test our new communication skills. I still believe the music meant more that "just a music". It is good to hear that others have dealt with the same issue with music. In the end music is designed to make an emotional connection, just never thought it would be one where it felt like I was getting kicked in the nuts

DDay #1: August 12, 2013
Two Beautiful Children 12, and 4
Married 12 years
Not sure where I am or what I am going to do.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crazyman, I'm sure everyone's timelines are different, but it took me about 5 months to really learn how to control my 'rage stage' and if I couldn't control it, then I found some ways to do it safely (not around people or living things). We've got some smashed stuff in our house. Not proud of that.

Believe that it will change, your feelings will change. You get to decide who you want to be in this marriage now, and I truly feel like both my fWH and I are unrecognizable compared to our pre-A selves.

The rage will pass if you want it to. Believe and hope. The worst damage to recovery is the loss of hope.

That sounded like I know something, and I really am flubbing my way through this like everyone else. Just hope we all can help each other.

All the best

me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
♂ New Member
Member # 40754
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had the talk or in this case texts as she was at work? She still says it was just music, compairs it to songs I like. Which without the context of an affair might change my mind. I still don't 100% beleive the answer, but we have agreed to let it go and take her at her word. A display of trust on my end, hoping it will open her up more. We are deleting the entire hard drive from the van so no more triggers from it. Mentioned it to the MC last night she said she thought that was a good idea...

I find myself wanting to hope, and wanting to move forward, but I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable with her again. We are still only three months out and I am sure there is a lot more rollercoastering ahead. I want to keep hope I have to keep hope there is more to these decisions than just me and I WW. My kids mean everything to me, and the WW is in some aspects going the extra mile, but not in all. The book "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" is supposed to arrive today. Hopefully that will be another good spot to get her on track.

DDay #1: August 12, 2013
Two Beautiful Children 12, and 4
Married 12 years
Not sure where I am or what I am going to do.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 23
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