Just an update. I am the BW.
We thought we could stay in the house for a few years until our younger son got through high school. It was going to be hard, but we wanted to try for the kids. After a while I realized that it wasn't going to be feasible and started planning for just a few years, at least until our older son graduated high school.
Meanwhile we were playing the happy family. Our immediate families & some close friends knew, but it wasn't like it was broadcast as facebook status. After our families were told, I removed my marital status completely.
I continued to play the good wife even though we had separate bedrooms. I made sure dinner was ready so we could all sit down and eat when he got home from work - I did laundry and didn't even give him a hard time when he was busy and didn't do the things around the house he normally would do, like cleaning or laundry.
For the kids, that is what I kept telling myself. I know that staying together and letting them think what we had was a normal or good marriage would be more damaging than divorcing, but I also felt it was important to remain friends with their father.
We've had separate bank accounts for a a few years so when I messed up my account purchasing sports equipment for our older son, he gave me extra money to cover it. A few days later, after I had money come in, he realized his account was messed up so I gave him money. He needed more than I was able to give him so I took it out of our younger son's account.
Then I even went so far was to drive to his bank (not local) and put it in his account so make sure he didn't incur any fees.
Later that day I learned he had gone to a hooker a week or so before, and paid for at least a blow job.
I was devastated.
Not by the "cheating" because I don't feel it was cheating. But it was a betrayal. He betrayed our trust to provide for his family by taking such a risk. And for taking money from our child to cover his nasty encounter.
He found her on craigslist and went to a slummy town to meet this whore. So much could have happened, at the very least he could have gotten arrested - at worst, he could have gotten killed. But he didn't see that. He only saw his opportunity to get deeper into his addiction. Meanwhile he's telling me he's going to SA meetings and that he feels he's "becoming a man of god" such a joke.
Before he was even remorseful for what he did, he was more concerned about how I found out. I will never tell him how I found out. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off woman.
We are still sharing the house (for financial reasons) but I can't even look at him. And I no longer do anything for him. I provide for me and our kids. To me, he's just a boarder renting a room.
I have a lot of anger over this but am going to therapy and hopefully someday I can let it go and find out what true love is, to know what it feels like to come first and be a priority. In the meantime I'm making sure my sons know that feeling.
He may come here and he may not, I don't care. I didn't say anything here that he does not already know.