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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I compelled to work?
Markone
♂ Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if any of you have any knowledge that could help me as I plan my post-D life.

I'm an executive and do well financially. However, I put in a lot of hours, travel extensively and at 50, planned to be done with the high pressure and stress of the job by aged 55. I have high blood pressure (on meds), family history of heart problems, and a Father who died young from heart failure. The plan was then after 55, to "start giving back" in the form of charitable work or help for a non-profit etc.

Going through this D, I know I will give at least 50% of my income to ex-WW for most of this next 5 year period and so, in effect, feels like I'm only getting 50% of the benefit of those final five years.

So my Q: If during the settlement process, my Dr. issued a letter stating my health issues and her assessment that it is caused by stress from the job, could I quit? I get that if I just quit 'to spite my EX' I'd be held accountable for the amount of money I am able to earn. But can a judge order me to pay SS based on income that no longer exists due to health reasons? By the way my Ex is 10 years younger, has a graduate degree and chooses not to work (why would she?!)

Not saying this is a route to go but trying to find any and all options as I'm going through this mess

[This message edited by Markone at 4:11 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)]


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going through this D, I know I will give at least 50% of my income to ex-WW for most of this next 5 year period and so, in effect, feels like I'm only getting 50% of the benefit of those final five years.

Is this your assumption, or something that an attorney has advised you?


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Markone
♂ Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's my broad assumption based on rule of thumb in California. 50% of income, 50% of marital assets (plusses and minuses then applies) Lines up with what she's asking for in temp spousal support too. I haven't mentioned this to my attorney yet.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I woudl speak to your lawyer and tell him what your long term plan is.
He/She should then be able to help you best go about it without being in hock to your STBWW well into your planner early retirement.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never heard of anyone getting 50 percent of their ex's income after the divorce! Sadly, at least not where I live, on the East Coast. I've got two kids, and I'm a SAHM married for 18 years, and with CS and SS together, I'll only get 30 percent, tops.

Also, my STBX 's income has gone down by about 50-75 percent since our Separation. I've been told there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. We can hire experts and try to prove he should be making more, but the reality is that he refuses, or is incapable of it. So I'll never see it.


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Oct 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My only advice is to try and get it written into the decree that payments continue only if you are working, no reason necessary

My stbxww also has a graduate degree and works part time,25 hrs per wk I have a true disability and both my ability to work and life expectancy are in doubt

Yet stbxww refuses to work full time, insists I pay her CS in addition to all their expenses even if I am disabled and unable to work. She also insists I pay my life insurance premium - she is the beneficiary and my estate would take care of our kids very well

It is not fair, that simple. Good luck

H&C


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 405 | Registered: Sep 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An option would be to give her a lump sum now and be done. Or, name her the beneficiary of a very large life insurance policy & pay the premium in full.

If this has been a long-term marriage and she needs help getting re-established in the workforce, then it doesn't really matter how you come up with the money.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9648 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Markone
♂ Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. Yes, it would be fair if all divorcing WS' were subject to community state laws and BS' subject to judicial(?) or east coast laws! That would be fair lol.

We were married nearly 7 years so would be paying most likely for 3 1/2 years as a result. She's perfectly capable of working - she has an MBA - she just can't get her shit together.

NG - on one hand,I'm thinking a lump sum to be rid of her on the other keeping her on a hook with monthly payments (and if she remarried, it ends). I'm fortunate compared to some people in that at least I'm able to get divorced - costly though it is. I feel bad for the members stuck in limbo so I keep that in mind and it helps.

And... My hand is out waiting for the Karma bus to stop.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2010
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I retired from a high stress executive position last year at 50. I understand what your saying about the health issues associated with such work. I too felt the same as you and wanted to downsize my life while I was young enough to enjoy what was left. As I D many years ago SS was not an issue. But I do have a CS obligation that needed to continue. What I did was purchase an annuity. It is to pay out over the course of 10 years until my son turns 22. He gets the same amount of CS as before and I saved in the long run. Perhaps this is an option you would want to explore instead of a one time offer. Make it payable to yourself and forward the SS to her accordingly. If she remarries you reinvest the annuity back into your own financial portfolio.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5653 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 9

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