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User Topic: Guys who are friends
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am having a hard time dealing with having a really close friend who is a guy. I work in a trades shop so I am the only woman.

There is one guy who I work with that I am really great friends with. We joke and have a good time and have a very similar sense of humor. We have had lots of serious talks and he told me he has never and will never cheat on his wife. I have told him about my past history as well.

So today I have a double pass to a movie that I won. My boyfriend is working and I know he wants to the see the movie, but I can't ask him.

Because he is a guy. That kinda sucks. He asked if I wanted him to go and I said yes but I don't want to do anything that will cause tension with his wife, even though my bf said he didn't mind because he trusts me.

So that is my rant. Because I have a sense of boundary I have to moderate my friendship with someone because they are of an opposite sex. I know we would have a great time (no inappropriate boundary crossing), but yet I still can't do it.

It kinda sucks, and I have to go to the movie alone. :(


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it that he's a guy, or that he's a married guy?

Respecting his wife and their marriage is what a good friend does. Good for you for having that boundary. If it eats at you too much you could give the movie passes to your guy friend so he can take his wife. Then you wouldn't have to ponder going alone, you'd be doing a kindness for someone else. Just a thought.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guy, married guy, either way. I can't ask. Not like with one of my girlfriends, where I can ask and there is no problem at all.

If I ask this guy, rumors will be spread at work (even though they know we are buddies), his wife might get upset ( I would not without her permission of course), and it is just weird. But I like having fun with him as a friend.

But I am going to see the movie cause I really want to see it..lol.

I can see how this could be the start of an affair for someone without those boundaries. But in my case, not gonna happen.,


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what movie is it? (if you don't mind me asking)


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think a married person should go on what constitutes a *date* with a member of the opposite sex - regardless of how innocent it is proclaimed to be. Just not appropriate.

How would you feel if your BF asked another woman to go to the movies?

Friends of the opposite sex can work with firm boundaries - I have a couple of very good male friends. However, we would never go out alone with any of them, and we have strict boundaries when it comes to conversations, etc.

Is there not a woman friend in your life that would enjoy a night out at the movies with you?


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6560 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're going to move this to General due to the infidelity-related conversation .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38040 | Registered: Sep 2007
HormonalWoman
♀ Member
Member # 29265
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if i'm being ott saying this, but a lot of people who have an affair think they would never do that. They think it's ok to be 'just friends' with the opposite sex and the next thing you know they are heading down the slippery slope..


Together 14 yrs
BW - Me
WH - Him
3 Children
DD 20th June 2010 actual affair was early 2008 for roughly 10 wks.

Posts: 246 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It kinda sucks, and I have to go to the movie alone.

You have no other friends? Only your bf and this married man? Really?


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Topic Posts: 8

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