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User Topic: Strip Clubs and Lap Dances
islesguy
♂ Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BS and I have had many discussions about strip clubs. On several business events over an 8 year span I went to strip clubs and had lap dances at 2 of them. I didn't find strip clubs to be disgusting and even though my wife told me how she felt about strip clubs and strippers I chose to ignore her and go anyway because this seemed like a normal activity for the rest of the married guys I worked with. I feel like I formed my casual opinion about strip clubs based on my view of the other guys and not based on my wife's statements. I wasn't someone who craved lap dances but I did have two when they were offered to me. My opinion about the lap dances was that they were not such a big deal and certainly not cheating. My opinions have certainly changed on all of the above. I am interested to know how other way wards viewed strip clubs and strippers.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jan 2013
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's a form of legalized prostitution. But that's just me.

You're going to get on a stage with a tiny piece of butt-floss and two smiley face stickers on your ta-tas, wiggling your junk in people's faces. For cash.

And how many of them offer "back room" specials or after hours romps? Then someone introduces you to heroin. And then you're hooked. Doing anything you can for a fix. And "medical school" goes out the window.

It's sad that girls and women get to a point where they think so little of themselves that they'll serve themselves up like a steak on the buffet.

My aunt was an "escort". Ya know, just a good girl, spending a couple hours in the evening as a "companion" for men. Dinner and a movie. Riiiiiight. Hopped in the car one night with a guy. She instantly recognized him. Asked him if she knew who she was. He didn't. Turns out, he was her ex-pastor from when she was a little girl. Wouldn't ya know, the guy stopped the car and made her get out. Now, if they were really just going for a nice dinner, why that kind of reaction? Isn't everything above board?

Anyway, she's a total crack whore now. Shame really. She was beautiful. I remember her kindness and warmth when I was little. She could have done anything she wanted, could have been anything she wanted to be. One step out as an escort for "quick, easy money" and now she sleeps with random Johns so she can get her next fix.

Anyway, that's my opinion.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6058 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
TimeToManUp
♂ Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I find them... Gross. And sad. The whole concept has always been uncomfortable to me. I can see single men going to strip clubs, and even then I feel like it should be late-teens through like 30ish. Married men, absolutely not.

Like I said, I find it sad. Sad that women subject themselves to it. Sad that men feel compelled to paticipate. I feel like the men get off on the dominant aspect of it, y'know "Come shake your tits and there's a buck in it for ya, skank." That may sound crass and like a generalization, but with my limited experience at strip clubs and the conversations I've been a part of or overheard, there seems to be at least one of those guys in the group. And old guys at the strip club bring the same dominance with a whole new creepy touch of "Look what I can get this whore to do for money" angle.

And the girls are typically doing it for the money "paying their way through college..." We've all heard the old story. And it's true... You get addicted to money. And the real world doesn't pay as well as being a stripper, so why bother finishing up or pursuing that finance degree? Maybe because nobody wants to see an old stripper, but you could be a banker for the rest of your life. So when stripping stops paying the bills, then what?

Like I said... These are all just my opinions. And I think strip clubs are gross. I also feel like more guys go out of peer pressure than actually WANT to go. Many of my friends have confessed to wanting to bypass strip clubs for their bachelor parties.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
islesguy
♂ Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can a moderator remove the stop sign? I posted this with stop on inadvertently yesterday.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jan 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the stop sign has been removed, please be more careful in the future.

Thank you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196510 | Registered: May 2002
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no problem with bare bodies.
It is the extras in the back rooms as stated an lap dances etc.
It saddens me that women young beautiful women throw their life away to be oogled


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And my spouse takes great pride in the fact he has never been in one. Wish my boys could say the same.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have that much of an issue with strip clubs. I have only been to a couple and never had a lab dance or wittnessed any back room areas so that part of it may be a bit much.

I don't see much difference though between strip clubs and say reading 50 shades or heck many R rated movies. If you take issue with strip clubs I think you should be consistent on other forms of entertainment that are similar.

However, if boundaries have previously been crossed, I can very much see how this can be a condition a BS would expect in going forward.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 449 | Registered: Nov 2012
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the difference between strip clubs and porn is the actual physical presence and contact with a real woman.

My husband frequented strip clubs for a significant chunk of time. He spent more money than I can account for---and it wasn't on watching women dance.

Depending on where you live, lap dances can involve a good deal of contact. And then, there's the VIP room.

You know, when I first learned he went to a club, it didn't bother me even a little. It was actually part of the culture of the town we were in, and not unusual to entertain business colleagues in a club. (It wasn't the real norm, but it didn't deviate much from the norm.)

But it escalated, and ...well, let's just say that the STDs I have had in my life came from strippers.

I think they are a mutually exploitative venture that benefits primarily the club owners---and causes a LOT of damage, not just to the women involved, but to women (and families) at home and the men they purport to "serve."


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree that an erotic book is similar to strip clubs or porn. No real people are harmed in the writing of a book. It's fiction.

I didn't read 50 Shades, but at least in the Romance Genre, infidelity is condemned. Sex is about mutual pleasure, not exploitation or objectification. Prostitution is never the happy ending. The ideal relationship has respect, understanding, passion and loyalty.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see much difference though between strip clubs and say reading 50 shades or heck many R rated movies.
That's something that can be debated 100 different ways till sundown. I sorta agree with you on it. It's all nudity and sexually charged and whatever. The thing is, stripping, is literally in your face, reach out and touch, kind of real. STD's are real and passed from a cheating spouse to their unsuspecting spouse at home. I feel porn is the same thing. It's not fiction. Those girls are really doing that in front of the camera. They're really being exploited. They're really getting STDs. All for a little bit of money. And the ones who profit the most are not the girls themselves but the owners of the Boobie Bungalow and Big Johnson Film Productions.

Books and R-rated movies? Ehhh, fuzzy line there. Books are pure fiction. Nobody is exploited, nobody is "used" in the writing of a book. R-rated movies, the sex isn't actually real. It's soft lights, unique camera angles, and slurpy kisses. That's it. Yes the intent is there, yes you get a semi-visual of "what's really going on", but not really.

I dunno. To each their own. I think that people are biased against some more than others based on personal experience. If your spouse has cheated on you with a toothpick, I suspect there would be an uprising against toothpicks. kwim?

For the record, I haven't read the 50 Shades books, I don't read trashy novels, we have a "no porn" policy in our marriage, and if I watch movies, it's with my children, which puts the rating at PG at its highest.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6058 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boobie Bungalow

t/j I think I need to get premium and use my one name change. End t/j


But on the topic of this post, I just don't see the awesomeness of it. And I don't just mean as a women commenting on a man going. I don't get the all male revues either. However, this is something that has to be discussed between the SOs. No, "surprise! I had a woman's vajay jay in my face but don't worry, I didn't touch it so I wasn't cheating. So what's for dinner, honey." I think this is easily something to eliminate from your life if your SO finds it offensive.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is, stripping, is literally in your face, reach out and touch, kind of real

Again, I do not have much experience with strip clubs however the couple that I have been to had a big sweaty guy twice the size of me standing there waiting to bounce anyone out that even touched. I suspect rules are different at different strip clubs.

I dunno. To each their own. I think that people are biased against some more than others based on personal experience. If your spouse has cheated on you with a toothpick, I suspect there would be an uprising against toothpicks. kwim?

100% agree, my point is that the difference between a strip club and say watching magic mike or reading a trashy novel is not that different at least in my opinion.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 449 | Registered: Nov 2012
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BS who's exH spent thousands of dollars at strip clubs and on lap dances. After D-day, when I discovered he had been using prostitutes for YEARS, he told me that he decided to use hookers when he realized he could get more for his $$ than at strip clubs.

I'm not saying that every person that visits strip clubs will escalate to prostitutes; just relating what my exH said his reasoning was. He was dropping 500-700 at strip clubs. He could get call girl for $300.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2442 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think strip clubs and porn are alot different. I'm not thrilled with porn, but I accept it with very few complaints as long as the guy is honest that he watches it. But, I consider strip clubs to be cheating. The reason is that one is on a TV and you can't touch, and the other is a real girl right in front of you. Even if you can't grab the girl because of a bouncer, it's still a real girl grinding her naked body against my man. That crosses a line with me that porn does not.

I dated a man once who thought that bringing me to a strip club would show me that it wasn't as bad as I had pictured in my head. I went trying to have an open mind. While there, I went to get a drink. Turned around, and saw him getting a lap dance. The woman wasn't touching him and he wasn't grabbing her, but the look on his face literally disgusted me. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I had watched this same man watching porn before, and did not have the same reaction. So, they are very different to me.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 10:21 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Jul 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my past I dated an ex-stripper and an active stripper.

The ex-stripper did it out of necessity while she was in a rough point in her life. It caused her harm. She has lived with shame ever since.

The active stripper loved it. She had many opportunities for other careers but enjoyed doing what she loved.

Both of them told me that the hands off policy was strictly enforced. They would get in trouble as well as the patron.

I don't really enjoy them. I have gone to work events at them because I had to. Its a waste of time and money that I could be spending with my family. I would not choose to go unless I went with my SO.

[This message edited by Chicho at 11:24 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
stupidgurl
♀ Member
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to know the point of strip clubs.

A man goes to the club, watches the woman gyrate, his wang gets hard but he does not come???

Isn't the whole point to getting hard to come??

So guys are going there, getting hard and coming somewhere. At home with wifey? Poor wifey she is getting humped by a guy who is picturing this other girl. She is nothing but the come receptacle at that point because the women at the strip joint are the object of desire, that is infidelity of the mind. And disrespectful to the wife.

OR

He bangs a stripper/hooker.

That is why women have a problem with strip clubs.

I know I phrased it as a question and then answered my own question.

Oh and the alternative to coming home and being with wife or sleeping with the stripper, is jerking it. I guess the jerking is fine to a certain age, and only if he is satisfying his wife enough that she don't want none.

I guess my real question is why waste your money when you can pay your wife she can dress up all skanky, she will be your object for the night, and you get to have sex with her as much as you want with no cheating, no bad feelings. I would rather get my H's $ and ogling than another woman.

Strip clubs are bad, but it is even worse when you have a woman who is against it. Why not just make her happy and not do it! You have to decide- create more resentment and destruction or create happiness and trust again.

BTW I was a stripper for a month when I turned 18, the men ALWAYS try to have sex with you! The older the more manipulative. Married or single. The night I gave in and gave two men hand jobs is when I quit, I knew what was in the road ahead, and then on top of that they bunch up the money so it looks like alot, but I got shortchanged most of the time. Fuck that job, not as cool as most girls think and my self esteem go worse every time, I did not feel sexy I felt gross.


me WW-31
him BH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

R


Posts: 128 | Registered: Sep 2012
islesguy
♂ Member
Member # 38090
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't read my original post wrong, I am not trying to advocate for strip clubs or that they are a good idea. I went because it seemed like the "guy" thing to do at least with the guys that I was with and I didn't get how wrong they were because I took on the same casual viewpoint about them as the other guys I was with. This is not putting blame on them, I was an adult and I made my own decision to go and to accept lap dances when they were offered to me.

I had a wife who was against them and I chose to go along with the guys rather than respect my wife and her feelings about strip clubs. My problem was that I thought only about the people who were in front of me at the time and my desire to be one of the guys and not about how my wife felt about those places even though she specifically told me how they disgusted her. Through talking with her about these experiences, I have truly come to disgust them as well and I look differently at the guys who I work with who I know still go to strip clubs.


Me: WH
Father of 3 beautiful girls

* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strip clubs are bad, but it is even worse when you have a woman who is against it. Why not just make her happy and not do it! You have to decide- create more resentment and destruction or create happiness and trust again.

Yeah, I dated a guy once that when I told him it was either me or strip clubs, he chose the strip clubs. He was unwilling to give that up. Just amazes me that he'd rather be at a strip club than in a relationship. I guess maybe he wanted to find a girl that would tolerate it. And I know plenty of women that don't have problems with it.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Jul 2013
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never understood how a strip club is seen as not crossing boundaries. I suppose because of the way it's framed? Framed as an "entertainment experience" instead of something real? I can't presume what others think. My H isn't interested in strip clubs because, in his words, the one he went to when he was younger was "boring".

I'd think strip clubs are more serious than porn, literotica, and rated R movies because they involve real women. A real naked woman is dancing around, dancing on your lap, waving her private parts for her patron to see. A real woman. You can see a real naked woman at home, why go out to see another one?

Porn would be next on that list for me. While there's not a real naked woman in person, there is a real naked one on the screen. The viewer can see every detail about her body, can see what the inside of her body looks like. Can see a real woman that's in all likelihood hotter than his wife. Can watch this woman actually have sex. Who cares that she's probably faking it? The sex act itself is VERY real. They are ACTUALLY having sex.

Literotica is next, because while it's explicit, you're not watching real people have sex or seeing real people naked. And finally rated R films - real people yes, real sex acts, no.

But that's just my scale. YMMV.

Now, having said all that, at this point I almost want my H to at least take up porn again. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough for him. It'd be great if he went back to watching porn, because then at least I'd know he gets to see women he's attracted to and I'm not standing in the way of his sexual enjoyment (though if he ever did watch porn, he'd hide it, so I'd have no way of knowing unless I stumbled on it again). Probably my insecurities talking, but that's why I'm so happy there are strip clubs in GTA5. He can't say I chain him down anymore. He can't say I deny him variety. That he chooses not to go in the GTA5 strip clubs is his choice (though he was a lot more sexual on the days when we went to them in the game, so I know they have an effect on him), but he can never argue that I deprived him of the option. He has his freedom.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 1:16 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3882 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
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