Of course it has occurred to me that the OW's BS might have embellished the truth a bit, but since my WH won't tell me everything, what am I to do?
Any advice would be so helpful right now.
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth.
It's up to you. You're in the driver's seat on this.
So, prepare to live your life without him. He'll have to decide if he's okay with that. And if he's not, then he'll have to start doing things to show you that he's not. Being defensive, lying, acting like this is your fault isn't.
Take back your power. Take back your life. Take care of you. Talk to the lawyer and be ready to D. Talk to friends. Talk to your IC. Figure out who you are independent of Mr. Defensive Angry Liar. You can do this.
Maybe he'll come around. But if he doesn't? How much better off you'll be from having turned the focus onto you and away from him.
I've made it CLEAR, I'm DONE with his feeling sorry for himself, or being angry with me. I WILL NOT put up with it. I am going to go back into life, I tried today, but ended up failing miserably.
But will try again tomorrow. Things will be done MY way from this point forward, and he knows to stay the hell away from me if I hold my hand up. I've read the 180 and I'm just so damn disappointed in the man I married. I'm not sure anymore that I even want to fix this now. But I'm trying not to do anything without really thinking about it and being sure. But our "intimate" moments are DONE. I need to work on me. Thanks for your advice, I'm learning to live again
He can continue to sleep on the floor downstairs
Just make sure to place some newspapers in case he has an oopsie....
On another note, I agree that putting the 180 into practise will help you to stay out of the madness and regain control over you life independently. Know what your minimum requirements are for you to consider reconciling and don't accept anything less. In the meantime, do what you need to, to take care of and protect yourself.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
I think your approach to start living again is so so so important. This can not dominate your every thought and move.
And you know what? Here we are, thriving, still M and better than ever. But the D process woke him the hell up. Everything was on the line. And he knew it. Got sober, told me everything, got into intensive IC. He realized he needed to do all of this whether we stayed together or not because he realized that, even if he lost me, he couldn't live his life gambling the way he had up to that point or nothing (ever) was going to work out in his favor.
So, that's my advice. Start thinking D, as you already are, and in the interim, get some professional help to sort through the decision.
So thank you all for your great advice. Going to talk to a lawyer and see what my options are if this continues to go south.
One day at a time....