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User Topic: My Thoughts on Expectations of SI Staff
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Earlier this week a member suggested I had different expectations of the SI staff than they did. I didn't respond because I wanted to really think about what my expectations were and not just what I felt.

I hadn't ever thought deeply about this subject. When I signed up at SI I read the mission statement and the guidelines and felt they were fair and good. My expectation was that the mission statement and guidelines would be upheld. I have spent the past few days thinking about this and these are the thoughts I have come up with. These are not meant to cause drama or controversy. It is merely my thoughts and opinions.

I personally feel, for me, it would be presumptuous of me to have expectations of volunteers who do nothing but serve me.

I thought of an analogy that might make my feelings more clear.

There was this very hungry man. In fact, he might be starving. He finds a soup kitchen. He is served a meal by volunteers at the soup kitchen. The food was good and some of it was quite delicious. However, after the meal the man decided he didn't like the way the volunteers served the meal. Instead of just appreciating the meal and leaving quietly, he decided to complain to the volunteers. He told them how they could serve him better, he told them how they could run the soup kitchen better. He also suggested that maybe they had ulterior motives in serving him food that weren't entirely altruistic. He even thought the volunteers owed him more than what they had already given. That man didn't seem very appreciative of what was freely given to him.

It isn't melodramatic of members here saying that SI saved their lives. I have read many stories here of members attempting or contemplating suicide. Many have said that SI literally saved their lives. I believe it. When I found SI I felt I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel SI saved my sanity.

I can never say "thank you" enough to the SI staff. I will forever be grateful for and indebted to you for maintaining this site. I am so humbled by the sacrifices that all the volunteers here make. I am humbled by all the members here who have virtually held my hand, hugged me, cried with me, understood me, supported me, advised me, and just cared about me.

Respectfully and gently, I would like to suggest to any member who says "I really appreciate all the volunteers here, but............" to really think about what your "expectations" are of people, volunteers, who sacrifice greatly to serve you.

I sincerely hope this post is taken in the spirit that it was meant, and that spirit is extreme gratitude.

Peace and Serenity to all who travel here.

SMS

eta: fixed two words

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:10 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9652 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where's the "like" button?

SMS, very well-written.


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well said, Sister! I don't think I could give all the time necessary to man this boat! They do a great job in helping. It is their boat/shop, so to speak, so their rules.
When I signed up, I read the same mission statement. Seemed fair then, seems fair now.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44692 | Registered: Sep 2006
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peace and love Sister!

What she said.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Said!!
As always!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As always,Sister, you are spot on.

Very well said.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SMS)))

Thank you so much!!! That was really nice of you


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197754 | Registered: May 2002
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sister, that was eloquently put.

They and this site gave me hope when there was none. Literally. I was beyond despair and spiraling down. Lost 20% of my body weight in the first 3 months, I was vomiting blood at night when I would wake from the mind movies. I won't say suicidal, but I can't honestly discount it either.

Then I found SI. I lurked for months, I would want to sign up to post a question, but without fail, within a day, someone would ask the same thing. It's quite something to realize the commonality we all share.

I finally did sign up! Best club I never wanted to join. From the bottom of my mending heart, I say thank you to MH and DS and ALL the volunteers who make this site what it is. Regardless of the outcome of my R, I will try to pay it forward. I'll stick around for a while and try to help when and where I can.

Thanks SMS for the post.

ETA spelun

[This message edited by 5454real at 5:45 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2833 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much, SMS!


Posts: 7073 | Registered: Dec 2010
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hear, hear! As always, Sister nails it!


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Aug 2012
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perfect analogy.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8254 | Registered: Sep 2007
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Screw the "Like" button! Where is the "LOVE" button????


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel SI saved my sanity.

^^This. Not to mention $$$$ saved on more IC, $$$$ saved on more books, and who knows how much more time it would have taken to heal without SI. So much of what I needed then and still need now is here, for free. Thank you DS & MH and staff, from the bottom of my heart.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5132 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
putonahappyface
♀ Member
Member # 30269
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really great analogy. Sadly, there will always be those who want more out of "life" than they're willing to give. But lucky for us, there are way more appreciative, grateful givers around here!

Ditto the love button 😍😍😍

HF


BS (me) - 50; SAWH- 51 (hurtherbadly)
Married 26 yrs
2 DS - 21&17
Dday 6/4/2010. 2 EA/PA
11/15/12 update: discovered porn addiction
4 years out: M is strong; FWH is a new man :)


Posts: 720 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Bluegrass
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in with the members that feel SI saved my sanity.
I would also point out that infidelity can be all consuming, and sometimes I have to step away from SI for an emotional "rest". But the generous SI staff are here manning this site, day after day, year after year. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
carnelian
♀ Member
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If not for SI, I never would have had the knowledge, tools or confidence necessary to take hold of my own destiny and make things happen for myself. All of you have help me grow the balls I needed to go back to school, get my life in order, and head for a healthier future - whatever way that turns out.

Thank you all for that.

[This message edited by carnelian at 6:19 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SI saved my life....more then once. I was suicidal, when I realized the capacity of my actions and again when he did what he did. When everything else happened later on I was strong enough to not break because of SI. You guys saved my life and my sanity, I love this site, those who run it, and those who post and help support others while sharing their own pain.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful post, Sister!

I, too, would like to jump on this train and thank SI for all they do, day and night, day after day, year after year!

Thank you, MH and DS!!!!!


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Topic Posts: 77
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