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User Topic: My Thoughts on Expectations of SI Staff
Dance4Me
♀ Member
Member # 26284
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post and agree with all of it SM!

I would not be in a firm/solid R if it weren't for SI and the people who guided me during my first year of discovery. I have made some life long friends on this site, and for that, I am forever grateful!


On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis


Posts: 1043 | Registered: Nov 2009
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, SMS.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all that YOU do, SMS. We're lucky to have you.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're a good egg Sister


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Sister .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen Sister!
I felt alone, too alone for my own good, then I found this community that made me realize I wasn't alone. Anyone that puts in their own time to monitor a place like this were emotions can run so high gets a fistbump from me. Can't be anything easy about it.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nailed it.

Thanks for voicing exactly what I think, Sister.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..hitting the 'like' button..

..wishing i could post that black and white clapping guy!!

thanks SI mods, guides and especially DS/MH..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I just re-read two years of posts. Amazing place. Thank you.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sister

And thank all of you for sharing struggles and successes with me. you all have saved my life.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2629 | Registered: Aug 2012
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone provide any insight into the original issue or is the soup kitchen analogy all we have to go on?

Having needed and availed myself of the services of a soup kitchen, it is an interesting comparison. However, the soup kitchen did not have wi-fi and I did not have a laptop. SI and soup kitchens might be slightly differentiated on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post, Sister, and thank you for posting such well-written words.

Special thank you to the SI staff and to those people and to all the other good folks who have helped me silently by reading my posts and sending me strength or positive thoughts (I don't know who you are, but I know this has happened!), for those who have replied to my *often very long posts*, for those so moved to contact me by PM, and for others whom I reached out to and found a kind heart, warm words, encouragement, shared stories, and the strength for me to go on.

Hope


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a little bit of a different perspective, FWIW. I too am very thankful for the SI volunteers and think they do a wonderful job.

I am a newbie and not being critical but I do have thoughts on the work of volunteers (I am one and I supervise many). Anyway, volunteers give freely of their time which should always be appreciated by those they support. It is important to acknowledge the work of volunteers and be respectful of their time.

In addition to that ^, volunteers do not or should not be all powerful and create and us and them mentality. While their work absolutely deserves to be respected but they too have a responsibility to be respectful to "those they serve".

Constituents do have a right to be treated respectfully and someone position shouldn't automatically mean their actions can never be questioned. I don't subscribe to the view that people with less must be ever thankful to the people that serve them. The recipients of the services,the soup kitchen in this instance, do have a right to be heard and give input into how a service designed for them, is offered.

Now pls don't feel that I think any staff have been disrespectful. I am simply commenting on my opinion that some people are more valuable than others in terms of volunteers and the soup kitchen example. I rely on volunteers in my professional life and I certainly couldn't do what I do without them. But I also belief that the people they serve have every right to bring bring forward their concerns. It's also not usual for volunteers to have alterior motives, often it involves power over. Anyway- ALL these comments relate to volunteers in general and are not in any way a reflection of the SI volunteers.

Thank you for all the behind the scenes work done by the many SI volunteers. SI has definately kept me going when I thought I was going to die.

[This message edited by Girlietoo at 8:02 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
need_hope
♀ Member
Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can say that this site quite literally saved my life. There were moments that I wondered if I could bear to breathe even one more time; moments when I'd taken stock of the medicine cabinet and researched the various available items online; nights where I sat in front of the computer wrapped in a blanket, rocking back and forth with tears coursing down my face, too distraught to type and I just read post after post after post. I got through those times and to the other side primarily because of this site and the wonderful people here.

I am in awe of the work that gets done here, the healing that happens here, the compassion and support that can be found here and the humor that makes you laugh when you weren't sure you'd ever smile again.

I don't, however, consider the identification of pinch points, the question of understanding why something was handled a certain way or even the suggestion of a possible improvement or change to be inherently disrespectful. Part of what I've learned here is that we all - all of us - can look at ourselves and our actions and find room for growth and change.

I do think that the tone and the method of delivery can be highly disrespectful. Throwing your plate down and climbing on top of a table in the middle of that soup kitchen (to use your analogy) in order to scream at the top of your lungs is NOT the appropriate way of getting heard and should get you escorted out of the building.

But a quiet conversation, an expression of "this is how this made me feel. Is there any way this could have developed differently?" would be - to me - not only an acceptable thing but a necessary thing.


Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
DIVORCED 12/12

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.


Posts: 1741 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree SMS. A great analogy. I understand others may disagree, but IMO I would never disrespect a volunteer.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.


Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jul 2012
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pinch points- I like that :)

I guess the question of what disrespect is. Identifying pinch points is not, IMO, disrespectful. How it is done, certainly can be.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love you, Sister. Spot on.
Thank you Admin & Volunteers, Mentors! Couldn't get through this without ALL of you!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
need_hope
♀ Member
Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pinch points- I like that :)

Thanks Girlietoo. My Human Resources Manager would be proud of me.


Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
DIVORCED 12/12

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.


Posts: 1741 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While their work absolutely deserves to be respected but they too have a responsibility to be respectful to "those they serve"

And I believe that the admins/mods/guides here are respectful. I've only seen one instance since I've been here where one of the *volunteers* went a bit off the rails. And that was followed by a public apology. Crow was eaten.

As you said....the respect needs to be reciprocal. And I have seen many *volunteer call-outs* on the threads that were handled with grace by the *volunteers*.....until the disrespect couldn't be ignored anymore. If a poster is obviously gonna take something *to the mat*, on the open board, well....that person should expect a public smack-down, IMO. If the inmates ran the prison, there'd be chaos all around.

The rules are simple. If you've got an issue, PM a mod. Don't post a passive or overt swipe at them on the board.

Something else that occurred to me. Many of the *volunteers* are far out from the betrayal crap, but *life* still happens. By accepting the leadership *volunteer* role....that person has just kinda shrunk the support for themselves from 40,000 to, like, 8. How often do you see these *volunteers* starting their own posts about their own current personal struggles? Not.Often. Can you imagine what would happen if MH posted and said "you won't BELIEVE what DS just said! O.M.G."????

Very few executive decisions are done unilaterally. If you get a flag....it's a decision by committee. And if you look at who the admins/mods/guides are...you will see that there are multiple personalities. So if you're flagged....you know that even the most level-headed *volunteer* agreed that you were out of line. And that should be enough for you to say "huh. ok." Apologize. And then carry on.....

(sorry SMS. More of a *my take on the SI admin* post than a *what I expect* rendition....)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hold up. I obviously didn't make
Clear that my comments were related to volunteers in the general sense. Absolutely no reflection of the mods here.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 77
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