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User Topic: My Thoughts on Expectations of SI Staff
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@girlie---I wasn't directing my whole post at you. I just kinda went off on a tangent


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8034 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you and you are welcome, respectively..

I am once again humbled. I have never had a post get the "clapping man". Thanks, smy, for wanting to give me Orson Welles clapping, and thank you, superduperwonderboy for Jonathan Frakes clapping. Both are an honor!

Thank you so much for your perspectives Girlietoo and need_hope. And thank you gonnabe2016 for saying what I wanted to share with Girlietoo and need_hope. No apologies necessary. You both have valid pov's. It is outlined in the guidelines the way to handle any suggestions, questions or concerns.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't even go so far as to say the staff have a responsibility to be respectful. That's a courtesy. They can be assholes all they want, nobody's got my browser locked to this window. That they're generally all respectful is a courtesy, not a requirement. Just like being here is a privilege, not an entitlement.

I mean yeah, if they all acted like assholes nobody would hang around here but the community has formed around an optional attitude, not required services.

So thanks for choosing to be cool about how you all volunteer your time. Also NO SOUP FOR YOU

eta:

It's not like the cops wouldn't show up and drag your ass out of SMS's soup kitchen if you were being an belligerent fuck.

Props to the SMS soup kitchen btw. I forgot to say that.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 9:39 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7455 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Girlie, I thought you were really clear and I totally get you. Feedback is good for anyone, everyone. It helps us all do a better job, whether that job is paid, unpaid, or just the job of being a human being. Most of us want to do a better job in myriad facets of our lives, hence feedback is part of that cycle. That's what I took from your post. Simply that the analogy didn't fully capture the importance of feedback - NOT that SI volunteers didn't take feedback or that any one of them has done anything wrong.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply that the analogy didn't fully capture the importance of feedback
I honestly thought after I posted my analogy that I should have added a suggestion box to the soup kitchen where this man could write down his concerns, questions, and criticisms. However, I was in the middle of making dinner and didn't have time to go back and add it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG thanks for the props on my soup kitchen. I would imagine we would have a very full suggestion box if we had the Soup Nazi serving soup in my kitchen.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this!!! so sweet SM!!!
Soup kitchen analogy is just so creative!


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, darn. I really hate how my job gives me internet access but blocks my access to forums.

I miss so much. Caught up with all of the angst and gossip. I am a bit sad that one of the casualties out of this was someone I enjoyed PM'ing with, but I think I understand a bit better as to why the mods had to do it.

WOW! SO much was going on, and I missed it all, lol. I guess this is what I get for hanging out mostly in Divorce and Off Topic.

Carry on.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I expect SI staff to...
be human
be fallible
have lives outside SI



Posts: 11688 | Registered: Mar 2008
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so grateful to find this sight. It was a beacon in the night. I had found some others but they were different. It felt like home when I got here and the support is and will forever be deeply appreciated. The staff has been nothing short of kind and supportive to me. Thanks for reminding us sister, just how fortunate we are to have this site.

@ sistermilshake..I feel the same way about you. You reached out to me during some very difficult times.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5072 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double ditto


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as respect, I think we should also consider that this is a community.

The people taking time to give responses are human beings who sometimes have to reach back into very dark places, re-experience traumatic emotions and choices in order to help another member. Each post doesn't happen in a vacuum. It reaches out tendrils that rely on others reaching out their hands in vulnerable waters. So we can't act like we are each in a vacuum, alone, accountable to no one. I think SI is a community in the best sense of the word, but being part of a community means you take into account the emotions and feelings of those around you.

I'm a mad hatter who came here as a WS and I've stumbled into places on SI I really shouldn't have during my H's subsequent affair. Some stuff was handled privately, behind the scenes, but some stuff is handled publicly so the other human beings interacting with us from behind the user names know that they have respect too, and that this is also a safe place for them. Look at all the strong emotions we all feel here. Keeping that in consideration as part of a community is incredibly important to all of us!

I don't envy DS and MH and the mods the balancing act they have to do to keep all of those priorities taken care of, but they do it really well. I feel safe here. Thank you all for that, owners and mods and guides, and also to the other posters who make this community work.


Posts: 3193 | Registered: Mar 2005
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really did want to leave this alone...but I was watching the 10:00pm news last night, like I always do and there was Mary Benton in all her glory do a smear report on our Texans quarterback Matt Schaub and how he's been really screwing up.

I watch the Texans play every game and for whatever reason, Schaub is struggling right now. Maybe the stars aren't aligned for him, maybe he's having personal problems...I don't know. But what I do know is the last thing he wants to do is throw three interceptions in one game and totally let his team down. In front of thousands of people no less.

I'm also pretty sure he doesn't want to look out his window and see a jersey on fire on his front lawn. Or have local restaurants name sandwiches some crappy name after him. And I'm pretty sure he could do without all the shitty Twits, FB pages and countless of hate email he's getting on the receiving end.

So until any of you (general term) know what it's like to be publicly questioned by strangers when you're just trying to do your job...I doubt you would be so quick to be an armchair quarterback.

But I do want to end this by saying thank you to those that understand just how difficult of a balance moderating this site really is. If/when we (usually me! LOL!) makes a mistake...we have always owned it but Monday was not an error in our judgment or following the guidelines of the site

Thank you to all those that took the time to help lift us back up!!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:14 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197957 | Registered: May 2002
surviving1963
♀ Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am SO thankful to the SI staff. When I first tried to register on this site (2 mos ago) I was having trouble. For some reason it just would not work. I emailed admin - they immediately went to work on the problem. One person in particular emailed me several times trying to make the process work. She always followed up asap. After days of working on the problem this staff member told me she thought the issue was resolved and I could now register. She also told me she could not sleep another night knowing I needed this help and couldn't access it. I will forever be thankful for her vigilance in helping me to get registered. I have never met her, nor did she have anything to gain in helping me with a frustrating problem. But, she CARED about me- she SERVED me. Many thanks SI staff - you are appreciated


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surviving....

I remember those email exchanges, I'm so glad we got it figured out and helped you on the site


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197957 | Registered: May 2002
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHY would anyone bite the hand that feeds AND serves them?

Me? If I have had enough I can log off and go do something else.

The Mods on here? Not only do they stay but they have to read everything!

JFO, Wayward...they can't go "this is too tough to read so I'm out of here for a bit!"

That alone makes the hate a few seem to want to spew out at them ridiculous and obscene.

A couple of years ago I stuffed up on here by posting in the wrong forum and bashed the OW (more than once)and was PM'd to say I needed to be careful. I asked for clarification and my misdemeanours were gently put before me and I was mortified and apologised!

I can't understand why, when corrected, someone would then publicly bash the Mods who's very nature means they are here to protect us all.

If they hadn't spoken to me I would have remained lax and might have upset someone who was trying to R by bashing the OP (inadvertently or otherwise)

SisterMilkShake- you are fantastic. You always post hope and are gentle with your replies and you also have the ability to make me spit out my drinks onto my laptop with your humour! This post is great and yes- Mods (and you SMS) rock in MrsD's world


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1579 | Registered: Jul 2009
Selkie
♀ Member
Member # 22595
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow thank you for posting this thread!

I went to bed last night after reading the negative thread that was probably the reason for this positive bounceback.
It was a long time before I could go to sleep since I was recounting all the ways this site has helped my daughter and I navigating all the legal and emotional dangers while leaving an abusive situation.

I did therapy..I had lawyers..I had the domestic abuse shelter...but SI was the place that really made me understand that everything will be ok..SI Made a huge difference in our lives for the better. Heck, and it continues to do so

I can never thank all of you enough for that.

Thank you to the volunteer staff for taking on all the drama in the background and making this place one of the most drama free communities I have had the pleasure of participating


Posts: 233 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, it got a little "high school" in here. Most ppl showed their true colors.

Here's what SI did for me. I came here as a wayward. I am now here as a MH. It's the type of things I read on here that enabled me to catch my husband in two affairs just as soon as they started... I've learned so much since then... regretted decisions that I made that SI ppl pointed out I may want to think about... Been so strung out that I posted here instead of heading to a park with a kitchen knife.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's


Posts: 5061 | Registered: Dec 2010
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And who can disrespect the very people who brought Stupid Picture Friday into my life?

I love that thread so much.

Now I am over the initial pain that FWH's A caused me and life is happy once more SPF is the one thread I really look forwards to reading.

Thanks SI for inventing it


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1579 | Registered: Jul 2009
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed. . . Good post Sistermilkshake


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 77
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