Topic: My Thoughts on Expectations of SI Staff
Member # 38103
| Posted: 12:22 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013|
I hope I don't get in trouble or upset anyone for this response as I agree that this site has provided more than I could have asked for.
I also have volunteered my time and continue to for several youth organizations. As such I really want to make sure all my hard work is being well received. If someone can provide constructive (not DESTRUCTIVE) criticism that might improve my information/work for other as well I am all open.
It does annoy me when I suggest to someone how information might be presented different to help alleviate confusion - which has already occurred, to get a response back "I am a volunteer, if you don't like it, you do it". Please note I am not referring to anything that has happened here.
To use your soup kitchen as an example. What if the person who received the free meal was very satisfied but noticed the line was moving really slow. Being an expert of soup kitchens maybe he could offer some suggestions that would allow the volunteers to feed even more people. Should he not try and help others to enjoy the same benifits
Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013
Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 6687
| Posted: 12:54 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013|
What if the person who received the free meal was very satisfied but noticed the line was moving really slow. Being an expert of soup kitchens maybe he could offer some suggestions that would allow the volunteers to feed even more people. Should he not try and help others to enjoy the same benifits
Sure, but there are a lot of ways of going about that. Some ways will work and be well received, and other ways will make people uncomfortable and undermine the "help" aspect of the kitchen for everyone.
If someone is a newcomer and doesn't like the way the line is moving and wants to help, they might be able to help more constructively if they take time to get to know the ins and outs of that particular setup, and over time get to know more about why some of the rules have been established. Maybe there are reasons for the way things have been set up, maybe there are conversations that have already taken place, things that have been tested and tried, and a consensus arrived at that works for the reality of what the soup kitchen deals with on a daily basis.
I think especially when people's emotions are so vulnerable, there just needs to be some extra layers of consideration added to the framework for everyone to get what they need safely. I don't think that's always apparent from the outside.
Posts: 3196 | Registered: Mar 2005
Member # 34353
| Posted: 12:57 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013|
I am not sure I would have made it thru some of the dark days without being able to read this site and for that I want to say thank you for this site.
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile
Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Member # 39593
| Posted: 1:03 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013|
Yeah, all that. Wonderful post. I have felt such gratitude for SI. Lurked for months while having some sort of total breakdown that I could not get a handle on. People here who have the grace to tell the truth saved my ass. Especially grateful to those in Recon and the Partner of SA thread.
Volunteers: you rock.
"But we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick
Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Big Blue Sea
Member # 23468
| Posted: 11:31 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014|
I still mostly lurk because I am terrified of my ex. I have seen MANY on here go from being unable to face that they are being abused, and pass through that most dangerous time of leaving or throwing out the ex to freedom. Only one who has been through it knows what it is to feel the one who was supposed to love and protect you and yours becomes a threat to your and your children's lives. I would not have survived it without the support here. I don't post much because I am afraid, but I like to think when I do post my horrible experience helps another through the dark despair. There is no possible way to thank the mods or DS and MH for this site. Thank you Sister Milkshake for starting this thread so some of us can say thank you for saving so many lives and thank you for helping us all quite literally survive.
ETA Sorry I can't believe I forgot to mention the thousands here who are braver than I, who post my very thoughts and feelings, often ones I am no where near healed enough to articulate. I feel the mods are all on this spectrum and are respectful of us all, and work hard not to let things get out of hand, a hard and thankless task on a site where there is pretty much every hot button issue you can think of being discussed.
[This message edited by badd at 11:46 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]
Posts: 130 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 36291
| Posted: 3:17 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
Love the soup kitchen analogy and greatly appreciate the work done to keep this site running!
SI has quite possibly helped me not commit suicide. When I found this site I was either checking in to a mental ward or offing myself. As soon as I saw people expressing my exact same thoughts, I felt somewhat sane again.
The Healing Library has been incredibly helpful to me.
Thanks ya'll. You're the best!
Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Asia
Member # 36519
| Posted: 7:20 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
Once again, kudos to SMS! (I think we should also do a shout-out to those members who do their best to be supportive to newbies and others. I sometimes see a post in JFO that is just too awful and I can't deal, but I know they need a hug -- and SMS, sissoon, and others are there for them. I really appeciate that.)
I've been here long enough to trust the judgment of the Mods. If there's something going on that I don't quite understand -- I give them the benefit of the doubt that it's being handled appropriately. Newbies may perhaps not get that simply because they haven't built their trust yet. And y'know -- we're not always at our best when we're posting here, so I think we should also not get too het up when someone goes off the rails a bit. We need to remember that this may not be this person's best moment and they may need to be talked down.
Love to you all!
[This message edited by Blobette at 7:21 AM, January 24th (Friday)]
BS (me): 50
Married: 26 yrs
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R
Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 31240
| Posted: 11:57 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
Yeah, everyday I marvel at how SI keeps going, allowing us to spew out our guts and our different opinions with such a low level of antagonism and such a high level of acceptance for different people and different ideas.
I think the difference between us and the other forums I've seen is due to 1) the vision of DS * MH, and 2) the quality of the moderation.
Including WSes is a very big contributor to the value SI provides to me as a BS, and I think WSes benefit from the BSes here. The protection provided to all members by the mods keeps us from the flame wars that kill so many other forums.
SI has accelerated my recovery and R by an immense amount. I am very grateful.
Oh, yeah - SI has introduced me to some GREAT people both in the virtual world and IRL. My W's A was awful, but the aftermath is a lot better than it could have been, because of SI.
Thanks again, DS, MH, mods, guides, and fellow members.
fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 37154
| Posted: 12:05 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
SI has been so very helpful to me and to those IRL that I have shared the wisdom with.
Thanks so much!
Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Member # 37735
| Posted: 12:08 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
I will never be able to completely articulate my gratitude for SI. SI saved my life, & hopefully my M. Thank you to all involved from the bottom of my heart .
[This message edited by mchercheur at 12:09 PM, January 24th (Friday)]
together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family
Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 36711
| Posted: 12:08 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
Excellent, Sister. And I agree. SI has been a lifeline for me. It has been thought provoking for WH and it has facilitated conversations that were hard. It has encouraged me to get up and put one foot in front of the other on days that I didn't want to.
I have learned so much here.
I can't imagine what the admins, moderators, and guides go through tracking all of this and making it possible to have order. I envision them sighing sometimes and shaking their heads. It must feel like herding cats some days.
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 30257
| Posted: 1:00 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
I tried to PM you earlier in the week you box is full. could you message me?
Danni 47 BS
him WS 47
3 children 21,22,26
1st D-day I was 8mths preg with last child
2nd D-day 4/13/2010
2OW same time frame
R'ing ?? yes, no, maybe, I dont know
This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Posts: 328 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: massachusetts
Member # 35862
| Posted: 1:20 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
I can not imagine that anyone here should ever have a......but.
I have always felt like this was my only safe place to vent my fears, tears, frustrations and where I dared to share my hopes for a better day.
I've been gently and sometimes not so gently nudged in the right direction. I have been asked "what are you thinking!" I've been supported, nurtured, virtually hugged and held upright during some of the darkest times in my life.
My ONLY regret about this site is that I didn't find it on dday. I would have been so much smarter.
BRAVO to all the administration and members. Thank you for all your time, replies to posts and support. God be with us all.
Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."
Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 30079
| Posted: 1:48 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014|
Sing it loud and proud , sister.
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.
Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ New Member
Member # 36658
| Posted: 7:12 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014|
I seldom post but read often.
Those running and moderating the site do a fantastic job. I have nothing but respect for them all.
Thank you for giving up your time
Me - mid 40s
Him WH - slightly younger
2 preteens (and don't I know it!)
Posts: 16 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
Member # 41837
| Posted: 8:35 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014|
SI has saved my sanity on so many levels. It is my lifeline!! I don't post much,as I don't have much advise as I am still struggling with my own sitch. But I sure do read here A LOT! And really appreciated the wisdom on here and at the level of respect in which it is given. Its is helping me beyond what words can express.
Many, many thanks!
Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13
Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
Member # 24938
| Posted: 10:56 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014|
Great post Sister.
And as always... thanks so much to the Mods for all they do... and for this site that has helped so many.
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
|Topic Posts: 77|