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User Topic: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
♀ Member
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think that you already know that you need to leave him.

I've been right where you're standing now.

I ignored the red flags while we were dating... the inappropriate flirting, sneaking off and not telling me who he was with, emails to strange girls.

I thought a ring meant that he truly loved me. So I ignored the red flags while we were engaged... the inappropriate flirting, drinking nights with "the guys" after which he wouldn't call for days, minimizing my feelings and worries that he was being unfaithful.

I thought that marriage vows and children would keep us close. So, I ignored the red flags after we got married... the late night texts and phone calls, innappropriate emails, more "guys night out" while I was at home pregnant.

Looking back now they were more than red flags. They were glaring neon signs that I should have ran. But, I thought he loved me and he made me believe that it was in my head. I didn't love myself or believe that I deserved better than what he had to offer.

Guess what? I know of two confirmed PA's. I would venture to say that there were atleast 3 more but he will never admit to them.

I know how hard it is to walk away. My STBXWH did the same things that your WBF is doing right now. Begging me to stay, tears, threatening to hurt himself, degrading himself as a husband and father. At the time I thought that it must mean he is truly sorry. Now I see it for what it was, deflection.

I'm not saying that every situation is the same. I'm not saying that people can't change. But given your WBF's history spanning your entire relationship, I think its time to cut ties and focus on you. And, as a previous poster suggested, spend these last precious moments with your mom.

Take care!!!

**Edit for clarity**

[This message edited by hangingontohope7 at 9:17 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, your story sounds so very much like mine. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up (been together 3 years) and I too find nothing to celebrate. Couple of months in he cheated and the most recent D-day was 7/23.

It's tricky when you are dealing with a serial cheater because it will always be in the back of your mind that they could do it again. Especially, when they seem so remorseful the first time they get caught yet they do it a second, third, or fourth time. I'm also at the crossroads of should I stay or go. My decision will be based off my WS actions. Like your fiance, he obviously has issues that cause him to seek validation and attention from other women. The only way I will stay in this marriage is if my WS shows he is taking the steps to dig deep into those issues and fix whatever it is that makes him feel "entitled" to do this sort of crap. Otherwise, I will never trust him again.

I can't tell you whether you should stay or go. All I can say is he WILL continue the behavior if he doesn't figure out why it happens in the first place and really works hard to make the changes within himself.

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing it all written out like this...I would tell me to run away.

You give yourself sound advice. You can't fix him, and he doesn't seem to want to fix himself.

If you do decide to remain in a relationship with him, I would encourage you NOT to get married, and NOT to entangle your finances. Keep yourself legally separate from this person so that he can't take risks with your financial future.

He's taken enough risks with your heart, don't allow him to do so with your finances.

I am sorry about your mother and that he is not there as the support he should be at this difficult time. Spend every moment you have with her.

BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one

Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie, I'm sor sorry about your mom. Use all your energy to enjoy your time with her.

I don't even know why you're asking the question. But since you did ask, my answer would be to go.

Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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