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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Approaching 1st Antiversary
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heart feels like she's re-living it, and she also feels as though she doesn't have the strength to go through it all over again.

I was just wondering if this is typical of 1st Antiversary behavior, and what I can do to help. I'm already reminding her that, unlike last time, this year she's not facing this alone. I'm here, IC is here for her, and SI is here for her.

Is there anything else I can and should be doing, above and beyond what I'm already doing?


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here, I recommend that you make this time VERY special for her. Listen to everything she says and if she completely backslides, be compassionate and hold her. None of this is easy, make this time something special so when next year it comes up, she will also have that memory to associate with this time.

Of course I don't know what I'm talking about 1/2 the time, I think I'm losing my mind, but that's what I would want my WH to do. Good luck! Love her man! Just love her.!


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't sound as if you're losing your mind, cluless. That's good advice, and I shall take it, since you offered.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're in our second anti-season.

Last year we really focused on making new memories. We made new plans for Ds's bday.
We did nothing for Halloween except taking the kidlets out trick or treating. Halloween is a big trigger. We had a couple parties, OM was at the last one.

We did something totally different for Thanksgiving, and Black friday (Dday).

We worked really hard on Our "Fall Plan". It helped a ton!

This year we are taking back some of the triggers.
We went back to our old tradition for ds's bday.
We're trying the Halloween party again.

We're talking a lot, communicating about everything.



FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just wondering if this is typical of 1st Antiversary behavior, and what I can do to help. I'm already reminding her that, unlike last time, this year she's not facing this alone

Whatever you do, at least acknowledge it. My fWW didn't even acknowledge the day (or season) and it hurt like hell.

Have something planned in case she does have plans. Make it special and take her mind off of it.

Show her that you are sorry and care so much for her. DON'T MAKE HER ASK YOU FOR ATTENTION OR PLANS. Be proactive about this.

I can tell you it's a very tough time for the BS and it's soooo much worse if the WS ignores it.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you get away on vacation, to immerse yourselves in a different environment? Distractions plus an unfamiliar location may really help. It helped me a lot on my first antiversary.


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 266 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 6

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