I don't expect him to necessarily DO anything or focus on him in any way, but to admit feeling nothing? Scares me.
[This message edited by OldCow18 at 8:04 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 8:14 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]
I'm not kidding. This is like walking up to someone (not even a perfect stranger, but someone you have known for 4 years), hitting them over the head with a crow bar, and saying you don't feel bad because their spouse gave you the crow bar.
It would disturb me greatly that he is unable to feel empathy towards another person and doesn't feel any remorse for his part in causing someone else pain.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
I hear this and see NPD
I thought the same exact thing. There seems to be this common theme with WH of lacking empathy and it terrifies me. Glad I have IC today, definitely going to discuss.
I don't find it unusual that some WS's lack empathy in the early aftermath of an A. I think it takes a great deal of compartmentalization and numbness to engage in an A to begin with, and it takes quite a lot of time to work through all the emotions involved; or succinctly put, it sometimes takes a long time for a WS to get their head on right and be able to "walk in another's shoes."
I think in our case, my husband believed all the crap she spewed about how horrible her marriage was. The guy she described to my husband did not sound remotely like the guy who was trying to get my husband to tell him the truth. But my husband wanted so much to believe that he hadn't played a part in hurting someone who was truly innocent that he didn't let himself actually recognize the OBS' pain. When he realized that his treatment of this man was rapidly causing me to lose the last shred of respect for him that I could muster, he changed his tune and became more forthcoming.
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.
The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.