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User Topic: Why It's Important to Google
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I broke up with SO a little over a month ago. It was time, it needed to happen. I really don't miss him at all, it as the right move (we were missing that 'spark', plus he had jealously issues, etc.).

So, I haven't been dating since then. But I did meet someone a couple weeks ago. SOO cute, SOO sweet, I felt that 'spark' I've been missing and haven't felt since XH really! We have been talking every day, he wanted to take me out to dinner last week on Friday (but I had plans with friends and didn't want to blow them off and make a habit of that), so we've been meeting for coffee instead - hes traveling this weekend for work, then I'm traveling, so I figure the bigger date will come when I get back.

I REALLY like him. And was telling a friend about him, and googled him to send her a picture. And what do I find? His facebook - his profile picture of course with what appears to be his girlfriend. what the what?

So I click around further - last picture update, Aug 20, definitely a serious girlfriend - and low and behold when I scroll through I find her and she also has a couply pic of them up too. SERIOUSLY??????

Sigh.. so not that I'm a fan of internet stalking but damn, one should really take a look before going too far down the rabbit hole.

My friend said not to 'NEXT' him right away, ask him straight up - maybe they recently broke up (or maybe he's fishing before he breaks up) or maybe he's a cheater.

Ugh, so frustrating. I SO didn't see this coming. He seemed to so genuine and sweet! Maybe he's a serial relationship person, who knows. Boo. It's just frustrating. I hate dating. Isn't ANYONE faithful anymore???? I know not all men cheat - but why can't I find them???


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Confused1829)))

I'm sorry.


Posts: 35758 | Registered: Mar 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kick his ass to the curb, what your friend said is so not cool.
He has a girlfriend, and even if they broke up, it is still baggage. He is a player and all players are smooth operators, that how our wh's were.. Don't fall for one thing he says. Urrgh, but aren't you glad before you might have become hurt and wasted your time or worse a OW?
Sorry sweetie.

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 1:14 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2773 | Registered: Aug 2011
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all! The thing is, I'm bummed, yea, but I'm not devastated. Having gone through the massive crap we've gone through really gives one some perspective! I never invest too much in a relationship when it's still early, I'm much more of a realist these days.

My friend wasnt saying to look the other way, she was just saying, well, maybe they broke up? Ask him, just dont be naive. She's right on that. And really guys, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, so it wouldn't have bothered me if he recently broke up yet didn't change his profile pic. BUT that doesn't mean I'm looking to casual date someone who's cheating either!

Sigh - such is the life of being a single woman! Now I know to google before I date :)


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was dating, I did more than Google. I checked the county court website to make sure they were D when they said they were and that they didn't have any felony convictions. I don't trust people anymore. They have to prove they are trustworthy. Be careful out there!

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7735 | Registered: Aug 2005
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Hells Bells, I just saw you are from NY. I am coming to visit you, there has to be plenty of single men there. Not like here where I am from.. Pretty much no men, they are all taken or are all cheats or just gross. LOL...

Just playing, you are young and I am glad that you are watching out for yourself. Google Away girl.. LOL


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2773 | Registered: Aug 2011
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(or maybe he's fishing before he breaks up) or maybe he's a cheater.


Yeah....this is redundant.

if he's 'fishing' while with her then he will probably 'fish' on the next girl too.

I say you dodged a bullet.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they BOTH have pictures up of each other together and they look romantic towards each other, I would be inclined to FB msg the girl and give her a heads up that he is "dating" you and you though she ought to know.

Might save someone else a heartache.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm guessing he's not travelling for work.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17483 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Must Survive - I thought about that! But at this stage, I think it might be too much. I mean, we haven't even kissed, we were taking things slow. But if some stuff had gone down I probably very likely would. I did that with OW's BF.

Faithful w/ Love - if ONLY dating in NY was as glamorous as it's shown in Sex & The City! The truth is there are a LOT more women then men (200,000+ it's statistically proven) and most of the good men KNOW they are a hot commodity and are picky as hell - because they can be. They can't turn a corner without a woman coming up to them.

It's rough out there for us normal girls. Let's see, some of my examples in the last 2 years:

1) The "I'm in Love With Myself" guy
Brags about what a hot shot he is, thinking it's going to entice you to want him even more. This is usually common among the Wall Street / Finance guys. Loving referred to as Douches by my crew. They believe every woman wants them becuase it' so easy for them to get women & therefore they have an inflated view of themselves. These are also modelizers (modelizers do exist ladies). Went out with a guy who told me all about his Fiji trip with models the entire date - I seriously don't think he asked me one question about myself. NEXT

2) The: New To New York Guy
Basically want you to show them around while they act like a kid in the candy store - these are the men I avoid like the plague - ugh, Im no one's tour guide! Which leads me too:

3) The On Vacation / Business Trip Guy
Usually looking for the fun 'wild' and 'promiscuous' girl to enjoy (because they all think - thanks to Sex & The City - that we're overly sexually liberated powerful cougar type women) Here's a tip guy, I live here, this is Tuesday in my world, not Spring Break. NEXT

4) The "I'm Just Getting Started Guy"
Typically in his mid twenties. New to the city, new to his career, he's like a kid in a candy store, looking to sleep with as many women as possible. Very similar to #1 and aspires to be him.

5) The "Artist"
Also known as "the unemployed" that believes his creativity will help him make it big. He's too soulful for a paycheck. He's looking to live off you - and be forewarned, he smokes a lot of pot.

6) The Old Rich Dude That Partied too Much in his Youth and Now has Hit the "Oh Shit Phase" of Life
He's looking to be a sugar daddy. He was Dude #1 back in the day but then missed the boat to get married and have kids because he always thought there would be plenty of women to surround him. Now he's in his late 40s or 50s wanting a family - but believes he's only suitable for women in their 20s & early 30s. I've actually known a man that is 42 that said, and I quote "I wont date a woman over the age of 32, because I want to have kids" really buddy? How's that 22 working out for you? But what do I know, perhaps the dust from my dying ovaries has clouded my judgement

7) The Foreign Guy
This is what I was hit with recently and what started the post. In their worlds, cheating isn't so much of a crime, but a way of life in their country. Women are something to be enjoyed - but they don't believe this is needed on a one-by-one basis. Warning, Foreign Guy is also cloaked as a "wanting to get married guy" for green card status.

That's just some to name a few. So yes, come on over. It's an endless parade

I need my own blog. Reality In The City.

[This message edited by Confused1829 at 2:19 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I was clearly serious with someone, enough so that I had them as part of my profile pic, I would appreciate the heads up from someone my SO had contacted to date. Would you?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I was clearly serious with someone, enough so that I had them as part of my profile pic, I would appreciate the heads up from someone my SO had contacted to date. Would you?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! Those examples are killing me! I can absolutely picture each one.

Glad you trusted your gut and did a little digging, in spite of the disappointing news.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to threadjack, but I couldn't resist adding this from Redneck Country:

8) Mr. Backroads/bold] who is looking for a "hirsute woman to share his holiday trailer and his hobby of garage sale collecting"

9) Mr. "Ryderhard" who has a farmer tan, never set foot in a classy restaurant or a symphony and is looking for a girl with a beer who is one of the boys, but available for sex.

10) Mr. Beer-Belly who is 120 lbs overweight and is looking for a woman "who looks good in a bikini".

11) Mr. Mystic who loves the arts, starlight, alternate spirituality, and listening to CDs he had made of himself singing karaoke which he will gladly play for you between name-dropping.

12) Mr. Baggage who has his pants pulled up to his armpits and morphs into one entire body tic when endlessly discussing his Ex-Wife, because he just "DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.....?!"

Oh, and
13) Mr. WhotheheckAREyou who has no issue simultaneously describing his religious leanings and his hard-on.

No exaggerations here - all from my soap-opera dating post D.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL! Trebleclef, I guess we all have our experiences don't we? No matter where we live!

AND - can I just say. Because I am 'divorced' and you have to claim that when you sign up for OLD (like on Match) I am literally 'filtered out' for most men that I would date my age. Because, who wants a 31 year old divorce? It's so frustrating to be labeled! I know we all experience it but sometimes I feel like being so young with that 'status' already labels me even before you have a chance to know me. Like, I took marriage seriously, getting divorced wasn't a lighthearted decision and it happened because of some very serious reasons..

SO as part of that 'filtering' the ones that do reach out to me or respond on OLD are usually the "old rich dude looking to be a sugar daddy" guy or other dramatically older men (by like 20 years) with kids and the whole thing because 'they too' are divorced. I mean I get it, I'm not judging, but can't I meet a nice single guy in his 30s (like me!) divorced or not?

I just can't win!

[This message edited by Confused1829 at 7:15 AM, October 11th (Friday)]


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idiots don't know what they're missing.
But what do I know, perhaps the dust from my dying ovaries has clouded my judgement

Hilarious!

Posts: 6642 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it's his sister?

Bwahahahaha!


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it's his sister?

You know....that's a high possibility! My XWH has a "Deliverance"-type relationship closeness with his sister and they would totally be in each other's profile pics on Facebook!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL! I naively thought in the beginning 'maybe it is his sister!?'

And then I read the comments "cute couple!!" Definitely, not a sister..


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need my own blog. Reality In The City.

OMG - those lists killed me!

Mr. Beer-Belly who is 120 lbs overweight and is looking for a woman "who looks good in a bikini".

ETA the divorced Bell Curve changes over the next few years.

I have a GF who has never been married who told me that at around 38 she was tempted to start lying and saying she was divorced because she was getting sick of the insinuation that she wasn't 'normal' by having not been married/divorced already.

Rather than seeing it as them filtering you out try to think of it as them filtering themselves out for you. You don't want someone to waste your time on someone that small-minded.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:39 PM, October 11th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 23
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