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Newest Member: losttrust1231 (44270)

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User Topic: Not sure what to call this - Lost?
Peaches2013
♀ Member
Member # 40852
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been inspired by a couple of "please don't lurk, post" posts.

My wedding anniversary is coming up and even though we're 4 months out from DDay (06/2013) and have been reconciling, it's really hitting me hard this week.

The OW is separated from her husband and at the convention where the ONS happened, also was there with a boyfriend. I've tried to find out the name of the boyfriend and cannot. I've fantasize about sending her an e-mail, but like many of the posts here say, I am fairly sure it would fall on deaf ears for someone who is married, has a boyfriend, and still hooks up with someone they knew were also married.

In addition to the ONS issue is the fact that my husband has been in recovery for alcohol since right before D-Day because he was drunk when they flirted, fondled, and he stumbled back to his room too drunk to seal the deal.

I struggle, particularly reading on here, with how betrayed and hurt I still feel for something where no sex occurred, was only 4 days, and we've been doing so well in reconciling. I struggle with how obsessed I am at finding information on the OW, how inferior I feel, and the lingering anger I have. I know I should make an appointment for IC, but this summer has been crazy - I've had to deal with switching daycares with my children (who are extremely young), a hospitalized parent, this, his alcoholism...

And then I also feel confused because truly this was the wake up call my husband needed - he's in recovery, he's becoming a better spouse and father, he recognizes behaviors that he used to engage in that were destructive (he was a horrible flirt and he villainized me for years with his friends because I wanted him to actually be an adult and not a professional partier)...so then I feel even worse that I see the "good" that has come from his betrayal...

I know the roller coaster emotions are supposed to be normal...I'm just a wreck right now.

(If I don't respond tonight, I will respond tomorrow. I have to pick up my children soon, but wanted to post before I totally chickened out)


Me: BS
Him: WH ONS/short EA
Married 11 years
Together 15 years
2 children

Posts: 64 | Registered: Oct 2013
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

then I feel even worse that I see the "good" that has come from his betrayal

No good has come from his betrayal. Any of the good that has come is from his effort to fix himself. I am sorry he had to drag you down when he bottomed out.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have been betrayed and hurt for a long time.

When things improve the contrast is shown in such stark relief that the dull aching throb becomes almost tangible in its intensity.
And Isadora is right, no 'good' came out of his betrayal. In his mission to improve himself you will benefit with some 'good'. That's GOOD!!

Glad you were brave enough to post, I needed the nudge too


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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