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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The OC is His!!!
storm77
♀ Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Based on the text messages from the OW and the way she was conceived I do understand. He was drinking way more than he should have..she took his keys and did some other things that were TMI for me. Wish I could unring that bell.
A friend I told said if H had been a woman and this happened we would have said it was rape because he was unable to give consent. The OW had been waiting for her moment for a long time. She is a freaking predator and supposedly works with at risk youth.
I can honestly say that if he had told me that night I would have been furious, but I also would have told him to file a report.
Although I can understand his feelings(on some level) I am still pissed that he would even drink to that point and put himself in that situation.
I did not tell him about the conversation with my friend. I just keep asking what happened that night and the story never changes. The OW texts to him are all over the place.

At this point my children will not have any contact with OC. That is too much to ask of myself and them at this point. He accepts what has happened and said that he will take responsibility for the OC. All I know is I don't like H or OW right now. I have to all the time and find ways to deal with all these issues in a constructive way. I will be going back to doctors for meds to help me cope as this is just more than I think I can handle on my own.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
storm77
♀ Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I meant to say I have to pray all the time..not I have all the time.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At this point my children will not have any contact with OC. That is too much to ask of myself and them at this point. He accepts what has happened and said that he will take responsibility for the OC. All I know is I don't like H or OW right now. I have to all the time and find ways to deal with all these issues in a constructive way. I will be going back to doctors for meds to help me cope as this is just more than I think I can handle on my own.

I think that is great and you are going really well. It took me a long time to like wh, it's weird he became my best friend again but i didn't like him

Gently, and in no way am I claiming you are lying but do you have any sort of proof (even the tiniest) that it was like that?

even that he came home very drunk?

Stranger stories have happened. I do believe it may have taken him awhile to recognise what truly had happened, so if he was truly raped I don't think you can blame him for that, a lot of people who have been subjected to it take a really long time. Especially when alcohol is involved.

I also say that from personal experience. I was a lot younger than your H but my bf at that time did that and I was truly intoxicated so much that I remember how it started but then blacked out halfway through. Took me five months to figure it out. (so I did a lot of research after )


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
storm77
♀ Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually remember the night it happened. He came through the door, his eyes were extremely red and he was crying and not really himself. I have seen him drunk before, but this was different and quite frankly alarming. I later had a conversation about the amount of drinking he was doing. This was right before our daughters first birthday and 1 year after his mother passed away. I knew it was a hard time of the year for him. I let him know everything would be ok as I thought I was talking about his feeling concerning his mother. He just kept saying it would not be.
The years since that night have been tough. He has been really angry and would say that when I went to work I would meet someone who would be everything I deserve. I thought he was going crazy and kept suggesting he should go to therapy for grief as another member of his family had passed away during this time. He has been pulling away from me and just distant. I just did not know why and thought he had just fallen out of love with me. This made me sad but I could take that as people change and grow apart. I knew and still know he will always be there for our girls regardless of what happens. They adore their dad which is why it is so difficult to just leave. If he was a crappy father I could just leave knowing it's whats best for all of us. I can seperate our relationship from what he has with our children.
Shockingly after all this came out he is more the person I remember than the angry one I had been living with the past year or two. He would be up because he could not sleep.. now I know it was from all the guilt and shame he felt.
He has said some pretty thougtless things to me. Our pastor told him to chose his words carefully because once he says it he can not take it back. I can see him doing this and at the same time being honest with me. My grandparents have also been very supportive of not just me but him. This might make some people mad, but it just made me love them more. They told me they love our family as a whole and want everyone in it to be ok. If that means we wont be together that is fine but we need to civil and a united front to protect our girls from OW. This is just a weird place to be and I have so many conflicting feelings to deal with!
I want someone to knock me out for a few days so my mind can just rest.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and 1 year after his mother passed away.

I am so sorry, storm, that you are going through this. And not to defend your husband's actions, but when my father died, I drank to the point of blacking out almost nightly for over a year (closer to 2). It was a horrible, horrible time for me.

I feel so much sympathy for you. (((hugs)))


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2309 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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