I am generally posting in the divorce section but this is a more general question.
DD was 1st Dec 2012 followed by never-ending trickle truth. I am coming to accept that I will never know the whole truth. WH is seeing an IC and constantly assured me that he was being 100% truthful.
Two weeks ago while cleaning out the garage I found an IOU from a third, brand-new OW stating that she would repay my husband $1500 within 30 days. It was dated 20th August 2011. It was hidden where he keeps his work things. This woman works in a builders' supply company at which my husband is a customer.
At this point I knew it was the end. The straw that broke the camel's back. My WH swore blind there was no affair. Why, he said, would she write out an IOU if they were having an affair. I did wonder about that. He swore she had paid him back and went into detail about the bank branch he paid the cash into, two weeks after the IOU. He insisted there was no affair, she just asked him as a friend.
He kept promising to produce the bank statements but never did. I ordered copy statements and got them today.
No cash out.
No cash in.
I realized he must have taken it out on his credit card which I don't have access to.
I confronted him on the phone. WH kept on lying! He said he would come home and explain the statement. At that point I calmly said that I would be driving to the woman's office to speak to her boss about the matter.
Silence. Confession. She never paid cent back. He didn't tell me, he said, because I would get angry. By this stage, I thought my head would explode in craziness.
For the record I have always stayed super calm on the very rare occasions WH has volunteered info in order to give him an incentive to confess.
I knew deep down that the money was gone. So what I don't understand is:
Why was there an IOU?
Why he lied even when I had the bank statement?
Why he continues to insist they are only friends.
Tell me they are more than just friends. Why else does a married man give a woman money other than to get her to have sex with him? I know I must sound stupid but I don't get it. I am crazy with the years of lying.
I told him not to come home. He begged me. I told him I would call a peace officer if he came. He went to a hotel.
Oh, and as part of the dissolution, he has asked me to pay off his credit card bills because he claims all that money was spent on our business projects and that he will have to declare bankruptcy if I don't. I've paid off his cards twice before.